Words About Clayton Drake

Album Review: Pistol George Warren's Back to Northern Country

2011-03-28T10:01:00.000-07:00

Pistol George Warren’s debut album, Back to Northern Country is a lively entry into the alt-country canon from a band with a lot of charm.

The band is musically chimerical, straddling a line between furious psychedelic guitar symphonies and outlaw country. Pistol George Warren’s two vocalists help to ease the transition between the rock and roll tunes and the country tunes. Maty Ralph’s simultaneously seductive and menacing Jagger-esque growl is perfectly matched to songs like the relentless “No Rodeo King”, which begins with soft piano and vocals, and rides a heavy groove into what culminates in a veritable guitar orchestra. Second lead vocalist Jon Danyliw’s voice recalls Townes Van Zandt, with one of the finer examples of his vocal work is on “Time Barrels By”. This song is backed throughout by a group chant before reaching it’s climax where he sings, “hold steady,” before the whole thing falls apart into a denouement reminiscent of Wilco’s “At Least that’s What You Said” that gives the rhythm section a minute to fuzz out the track before it ends.

There’s a terrific balance on the record between upbeat rockers and down tempo ballads that gives it a nice arc. A hazy joy buoys the entirety of the album; you can tell the band is having a lot of fun here.

The band doesn’t try to hide it’s influences, making overt nods to their heroes by including a moving, reverb-y cover of the Rolling Stones’ “Dead Flowers”, a breathless rendition of Buffalo Springfield’s “Mr. Soul”, and ending the album with a powerful rendition of the Flying Burrito Brothers’ “Colorado”, which featured some of the best pedal steel work of the whole album.

If you’re in any way a fan of classic outlaw country, AM gold rock and roll, or more modern alt-country in the vein of early Cuff the Duke, Pistol George Warren demand a place in your record collection.

Expansion Pack Review on Pop Shifter

2010-07-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

Check out the first review of "Expansion Pack" here:

http://popshifter.com/2010-06-29/the-birthday-cakes-expansion-pack/

Tour Blog 7: On the road again!

2010-07-02T14:49:00.000-07:00

So I bought this Internet stick from Future Shop and it’s totally awesome. I can go on the Internet while cruising down the highway, and it’s just as fast as regular wireless! I also tried to buy a thing called a MagicJack which is supposed to give you free phone service over the Internet. It didn’t work though. I had visions of traveling around with a kind of MacGuyver iPhone; hooking up my cordless phone to my laptop. In retrospect though, I would have looked like a total creep or a 1970’s Interpol agent so it’s probably for the best that it didn’t work.

Basically what I’m saying is that I’m live blogging this from Mission Control in the back of the Judge (that’s the name of our new van). So right now you’re getting the straight poop on the Birthday Cakes’ tour from my brain to yours.

I thought I was going to get a bunch of stuff done in the weeks that I had off in Sudbury, but as it turns out I didn’t. One of the things I was hoping to accomplish was to find a place for the fall when I return. I failed to find a place, and it’s kind of weighing on me a little when I think about it. I heard about this guy once who lived in a tent for a whole year on Laurentian University property by moving his tent around every day though, so maybe I can do that if all else fails.

The rest of the Meadowlark Five tour went really well. All in all, I’m pretty surprised about how smoothly the whole thing went to be completely honest. We finished with a little bit of cash in the band fund, so we’ll be able make some new T-shirts in the fall and put some of the money aside to help fund a recording or we could buy some weed plants and start a little grow op. The future is limitless.

I can already tell that the Birthday Cakes’ tour is going to be really fun. Our first two shows in Ottawa and Kingston were a blast. I feel like we’re really starting to find our groove as performers! We had to play for over an hour last night and I just about passed out on stage twice.

Unfortunately, we couldn’t find anyone to look after our dog while we were gone, so we had to take Burton on the road with us. He already ran away once in Ottawa, and we spent an hour looking for him. He’s been pretty well behaved yesterday and today though. I think I’m going to grind some Tylenol 3s up and put them in his food to make sure he stays docile and cooperative.

The Birthday Cakes on Everything is Pop, Pop is Everything

2010-06-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

Check it out!

Tour Blog 6: Heading Home

2010-06-06T16:02:00.001-07:00

When we woke up this morning in a campground near the ferry back to Vancouver from Victoria, there was a giant yellow slug the size of a Schneider’s Juicy Jumbo on a log near the tent. We were all pretty fascinated by it, including Steph, who wondered aloud what slugs are, and posited that perhaps they were made of bacteria. I hope he wasn’t offended when I burst out laughing, or by this blog post, which he will undoubtedly read in which I am referring to my laughter; he’s a drummer, not a biologist I guess.

The ferry to Vancouver Island is ridiculously expensive. It cost us $85 to get to Van Island, and $115 to return to the mainland. I’m not at all sure why it costs more to leave. Jon thinks it’s like Hotel California. Maybe I’m onboard a ferry that is perpetually traveling eastward right now and I’ll be forced to spend all my money at the $20 buffet.

After Regina, we had a great show in Calgary with the awesome band Gunther. They are a three-piece instrumental band with heavy tunes. We were all pretty blown away. Our next show was Penticton, which was on a Monday, but ended up being one of the best shows of the tour at least in terms of audience reception. Chasing Red Lights played a great set, and brought out a bunch of people. We played to a very enthusiastic crowd that was dancing the entire time, working themselves into a sweaty turmoil. No one other than Sudbury has ever acted like that at our shows.

One of the girls in the Penticton crowd said that she felt like taking her clothes off during our set since it was so hot inside the bar. I said she should have, but apparently the only reason she didn’t was because she had tan lines. I told her no one cared about tan lines and that it wasn’t too late. She kept her clothes on.

So I’m 27 years old now, having had my birthday on May 30th. The band bought me a cherry cheesecake from the grocery store and stuck a bunch of candles in it. I thought it was a very touching gesture. They sang happy birthday to me in the band rooms at the Canmore Hotel. I realized that this is the third year in a row that I’ve been out of town on my birthday. Eventually, I’ll be out of town most of the time. I’m looking out the window on the ferry back to Vancouver at a hazy fog sitting gently on top of the rolling islands, stacked behind each other like so many shadows of shadows, and I’m thinking I’m okay with that, although the side to side motion of the ferry itself is a bit nauseating.

Tour Blog 5: Here Comes the Kindness

2010-05-29T21:46:00.000-07:00

Different people have different ways of being generous. This was no more apparent than in Kenora, where we had free hotel rooms, they kept the kitchen open late for us, they allowed us to play on very short notice, and we were offered cocaine and hookers by the bar patrons after our set.

Did you know that Kenora won the Staney Cup in 1907?

Incidentally, Shooter’s in Kenora is one of the most singularly awesome complexes in all of Canada. Contained within the Lake of the Woods complex is a giant bar (Shooters), a restaurant, a hotel, a strip club, virtual golf and lazer tag. We were fortunate to find a poster of a topless stripper on one of the tables in the bar, which we passed around amongst ourselves to much amusement and arousal. Imagine my surprise when it showed up in my keyboard case at our next gig, which happened to be on the altar of Crescent Fort Rouge United Church in Winnipeg.

I’m never quite sure how to decline an offer to do a couple of rails in the bathroom. I don’t want to make the offerer feel embarrassed, but at the same time I don’t want to do coke. Same goes for prostitutes. These people are just trying to be kind, because coke and prostitutes are expensive! It’s not like I can offer to accept something of equal or lesser value in kind; “No thanks on the cocaine sir, but if you have a hamburger platter, I will gladly take that.”

Speaking of hamburgers, our drummer Mr. Steph Duchesne eats more hamburgers than anyone I have ever seen. It’s not like he’ll eat ten hamburgers in one sitting; his is less of a brute force approach and more one of consistent and unwavering commitment. He’ll simply eat a hamburger for every single meal if given the opportunity. I’m worried he’s going to get scurvy!

For instance, we played the Fainting Goat in Regina, voted best restaurant in Regina for 2010. They were kind enough to offer us a free meal (manna from heaven for a touring band). Given the opportunity to choose a $24 Bison steak dinner for free, or any number of delicious and healthy entrees, Steph chose a bison burger platter despite having eaten approximately 30 hamburgers already on the tour. (For the record, I mean no offense to the Fainting Goat’s delicious bison burgers; I’m just incredulous as to the origin and persistence of Steph’s insatiable burger lust).

I know there’s a psychological principle that states that you’re supposed to satiate to a positive stimulus after a certain amount of exposure, but Steph seems to be something of an outlier to this principle. Maybe once he has 50 pounds of feces lodged in his colon like John Wayne he’ll change is ways…but I doubt it.

Tour Blog 4: Manifest Destiny

2010-05-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be relaxing to have a couple of days off at home in the middle of tour, but as it turns out, I left this morning feeling more exhausted than when I got home. I guess I shouldn’t have gone to the Townehouse after going to see Fucked Up last night at Millards’ Garage, but it was totally worth it, at least for the opportunity to have a chat with Sudbury’s #1 conversationalist, Matt Moskal.

Our Toronto show last Friday was the best one yet. Pretty much everyone from Sudbury we know who has moved to Toronto came out. Big thanks to the Get Nuns, Witch Ways West, and the Archives for making it the best date on our tour so far (you’re a close second, Windsor). Some friends even came down from Sudbury for the show!

Everyone in attendance did their best to help us clear the bar minimum by getting completely shitfaced. This resulted in some of our close friends destroying property, being groped in their most sensitive of areas by gay men, exposing themselves to restaurants packed with people, and finishing off their night in a karaoke bar that may or may not have been a bordello.

I paid $1400 yesterday to have the van fixed since it’s been stalling with increased regularity, sometimes even on the highway. But at the Fucked Up show yesterday, I found out that the awesome band Killing Queens from Sudbury, who had booked themselves a pretty solid tour with the band Alaskan, had to leave their van in Toronto and sell it for parts because it was damaged beyond repair. Some reports have it that they destroyed it in the middle of Dundas St. before calling the wreckers. Some of them even got stranded in Toronto. So, I’m feeling pretty fortunate to be on the road right now.

Tour Blog 3: The Kindness

2010-05-13T14:05:00.000-07:00

As an addendum to my last post, other than theft, the thing that keeps touring bands on the road is the kindness and generosity of friends, acquaintances and total strangers.

There are very few things in this world that should inspire more pathos than a touring band. Constantly broke, hungry and cold, only a newborn baby needs more tenderness and care than a touring band.

Over time, the touring band ceases to be a collection of people, and becomes a unified organism entirely dependent on the kindness of others. The very nature of the touring band is exploitative; it wants your money, a place to sleep, some food, your wireless Internet, basically anything it can get its grubby hands on.

With this in mind, and even though not all of them are going to read this, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has helped the sniveling, cloying organism of which I am now a part: Meadowlark Five.

First, our friend Chris Legault in Ottawa. Even though Chris didn’t have much space, he was kind enough to allow us to nestle in every little crack and crevasse in his apartment. He also cooked us a few meals.

Second, the fellows in the band Konflit. They took us out and showed us a good time in Montreal, and let us take our time leaving their place the next day. I know if it were my place, I’d want the stench the touring band expunged from my house as quickly as possible. It smells like feet and cigarettes. Febreeze helps.

Next, Mr. Matt Davis and Damien Florio from the band Mule Skinner. Goddamn if Matt didn’t have two homemade lasagnas waiting for us after our long drive from Montreal to Niagara Falls. What’s more, he arranged a hotel room for us for two nights! Damien was nice enough to show us the beauty of the geography surrounding Niagara Falls, and had his dad bring home extra pizza for us. Mule Skinner are a terrific band that accompanied us on tour last summer with M Lemon, so they understand fully how tough it is out there. Nevertheless, their generosity was over and above anything I could have expected.

In Windsor, we were stuck for a place to stay. So stuck in fact, that I had to announce to the crowd that we needed a place, effectively breaking the third wall with a brick wrapped in well-worn gym socks. The audience could now smell our sickly sadness. The illusion of professionalism was shattered.

Fortunately, one soul stepped forward to help: Richard Kasoian from the band Frontiers. So, though I may have destroyed the audience’s perception of us as rock gods, we were dethroned gods with a place to sleep. Richard opened up his home to us and took us to a sweet breakfast place where we had some great conversation with him and his buddy Patrick.

A final mention goes out to the Penrose family from Kitchener, with whom we spent three nights. They didn’t even know us and allowed us to stay with them. They cooked us food, gave us free reign of their house for jamming, and Simon took us rope boarding. If you don’t know what rope boarding is (and I certainly didn’t prior to this past weekend), I’m sure you won’t be able to miss it in the next couple of years as Simon’s rope boarding business takes off.

I am writing this from the band room at the Spill in Peterborough, a haven for the pathetic and foolhardy touring band. Complete with kitchen facilities, delicious organic coffee, plenty of room to sleep, and extremely nice staff, the Spill is easily one of my favourite places to play in the entire country.

I know that we will be indulged with more generosity as the tour progresses, but those who have been kind enough to help us thus far, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. And to those who have yet to help us, remember, a stranger is just someone who hasn’t been taken advantage of by a touring band yet.

Tour Blog 2: the Heart of Darkness

2010-05-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

Most people have a glamorous view of touring. They think that bands indulge in the “Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll” lifestyle. Sure, there are some bands that do, but for most bands, touring is a constant and unrelenting series of mild disappointments and financial strain. There are decisions you make on tour due to the stress imposed on you that you would never make in day-to-day life.

To help mitigate the financial strain, I realized last summer that it is absolutely necessary to steal food. Now, I agree that stealing is wrong in most cases, but I think most people would agree that a starving mother stealing a loaf of bread to feed her family is not unequivocally wrong. And, if I am stealing avocados and low fat cheddar so that I can adhere to my nutrition plan while on the road, I don’t think anyone can disagree that I am justified in doing so.

In addition to this, much like Nietzsche posited, there are men in this world who should be able to take what they want. And, as Batman said, you can only truly understand the mind of the criminal if you indulge in criminal activity. So, part of this is a character building exercise.

So, there have been two recent close calls with my food theft. In Ottawa, I had a large brick of fat free mozzarella and a large brick of low fat cheddar firmly lodged (or so I thought) in the belt of my pants. I managed to make it to the exit when suddenly both bricks of cheese slid out from my belt and out through the bottom of my pant legs. I think I did a good job of hiding the fact that they came out of my pants, and made it look like I had just dropped them because I did not get hassled by security.

The day after our show at the Cajun Attic in Ottawa, Matt, Jon, our friend Chris and I decided it would be a good idea to visit the Gatineau Bulk Barn and Cosco. After purchasing a Magic Bullet, some frozen berries and some protein bars from the Cosco, we made our way over to the Bulk Barn.

At the Bulk Barn, I filled one bag with Quinoa (it’s an African grain with a complete protein), and another with pistachios. While waiting in a very long line, I started to think of how much money I had spent at Cosco and decided it was time to offset some of that expenditure.

Impulsively, I tucked my sweater into my jeans and stuffed the one pound bag down the front of my shirt. I subsequently slouched over to make it look like I had a tiny little paunch. When I finally made it to the cash, my hands were shaking, but it was too late to turn back. I could see the manager who was watching the door sizing me up (Later, Chris, who was waiting outside, told me that a customer had tattled on me). I began to sweat, and it seems like I’ve never waited so long for an Interac terminal to transmit a purchase.

I exited the store, and we walked back to the van at a brisk pace. We sat in the van. Nothing. I had gotten away with it. Presumably, the manager recognized a superman when he saw one. He could sense that I had a will and sense of justice greater than the majority of mortals.

So, I now realize I have become foolhardy and capricious in my theft. I must be calculating yet swift in the future. I am smarter than the common thief and I must act accordingly to avoid capture.

ML5 Tour Blog: Day 1

2010-05-01T14:40:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was Day 1 of the Meadowlark Five tour.

On the way to the Sault, we were driving down highway 17 and there were two seagulls in the middle of the road. As we approached them, I laid on the horn shouting, “Get out of the way!” They both turned to fly away at the very last minute.

One of them was lucky enough to escape death, but the other one’s life ended, with a sickening thud, in between the prongs on the grill of my Chev Express. We pulled over and surveyed the situation. I expected to see guts all over the front of my van, but there was no gore. Despite this, I still let out a girlish scream and broke into a mindless run-dance on the side of the highway that almost left me in the same predicament as the seagull.

The seagull’s body was half embedded into the front of the van, with one wing sticking out, flapping in the wind, causing it to appear as if it was struggling to uncage itself. So, we were saddled with the grizzly business of figuring out how to extract its body.

There was some talk about leaving it embedded in the front of the van like some sort of macabre, Road Warrior-esque hood ornament, but cooler heads prevailed and as the most experienced hunter (not to mention the one most fascinated with death) in the band, Jon was tasked with prying it out. I thought it would take a while to pull it out due to the amount of force that caused it to become lodged in there in the first place, but Jon removed it quite easily.

Danica was pretty upset by the whole situation and took about an hour to mourn the seagull’s death. I think she’s still in mourning, but she’s asleep right now so I can’t ask her.

Anyway, we got back on the road to the Rockstar Bar in the Sault, which is a super awesome place along the lines of the Hard Rock Café. Lots of rock memorabilia on the walls, and a nice PA.

We played first and I am pretty sure there were more people in the bar before we played than there were afterwards, so I think we played pretty good. Rabbit Transit likewise played a solid set.

The local band that played last was fantastic. Consisting of an upright bassist and a guitarist/banjo player/fiddler/harmonica player/drummer, this brotherly duo were immensely talented. Both guys are in the band the Wild Turkeys, and it was a great treat to be able to play with such a great band on the first night of tour.

We’re on our way to Ottawa now to play the Cajun Attic. See you tomorrow!

Clayton

This Saturday at the Townehouse

2009-11-18T09:35:00.000-08:00

The Birthday Cakes are playing with You Say Party! We Say Die! and Little Girls.

Here's the facebook group:

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=226911248344&ref=nf

Here's the poster I made:

Carter and I have been jamming at 8AM every day, much to Jon's chagrin.

I recently started work at Canadian Blood Services in the call centre, calling people for blood donations. It's not so bad. The workforce there is about 99% middle-aged ladies. Cha-ching!

They give me cab rides home for free, which is nice since LIl' Shipwreck is in the shop right now.

Birthday Cakes tomorrow @ Millards' garage

2009-10-29T08:38:00.001-07:00

We're playing at the Millards' garage tomorrow (Friday, Oct. 30th) with the Birthday Cakes. Also performing will be Rah Rah, Yukon Blonde a Descendents tribute band and another tribute band whom I can't remember. If you've never been to the Millards', it's at 459 Lasalle.

On Saturday the 31st (Halloween), we're going to be doing an Elephanta set at a house show downtown. Also playing will be Mule Skinner and another local I think. For those who don't know Elephanta, they were one of the best bands to ever come out of Sudbury. They broke up and two of the guys formed Mule Skinner, who are also a sick band. Jon and I will be joining Damien and Matt from Mule Skinner to resurrect a couple of Elephanta tunes.

Also, you should go to the Millards' on Sunday Nov. 1st because Library Voices will be playing. This is a show not to be missed. One of the best up and coming bands in Canada in a garage! I won't be there because I have to work, but I'm going to be very miserable knowing that I'm missing this show. If there was any way whatsoever that I could miss work, I would.

But then something like this comes along...

2009-10-22T00:01:00.001-07:00

and totally changes the game.

Do Not Watch This Movie First Thing in the Morning

2009-10-19T21:58:00.000-07:00

On Saturday evening, after having put on one of our most well-attended shows in a while for Minto (thanks in large part to the hardworking kids in Shop Naked), I decided I was going to download Synecdoche, New York, Charlie Kaufman's latest brain twister.

Then, I watched it as soon as I woke up on Sunday and was thrust into an existential paralysis. I didn't get out of bed until three in the afternoon.

The main character, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, devotes the most of his life to creating a REAL WORK OF ART, and as it grows and becomes more bloated, he ages, neglects the people around him, and becomes more miserable.

In an effort to become immortal through his art, he ends up living a sad, desolate life, and dies broken and pathetic.

I couldn't help but think of the last few years that I've spent pursuing music. I've missed out on countless opportunities to connect with people on a deeper level, I've neglected relationships with my family and friends, and most recently I've dropped out of school. I have missed a lot in the last few years, and I stand to miss a lot more.

Even just writing about it now makes me feel somewhat despondent.

Does the simple act of writing about it help to perpetuate the cycle of selfishness that might lead me to alienate everyone around me?

I'm a beat

2009-10-14T18:17:00.000-07:00

I was going to title this blog post "I'm Beat", but decided that "I'm a beat" was a good song lyric and now I'm going to try and write a song around it.

I just started working at Canadian Blood Services call centre and man do I miss being unemployed. Sure, getting money is nice, but I miss the complete lack of responsibility and the sleeping in.

Having said that, as far as call centres go, this place is the cream of the crop. The pay is good, the people are friendly, and it's a pretty low stress work environment.

I went to see Zombieland with Matt Beech the other day and liked it. I'm so bad with anything that is even remotely scary. I'm just super jumpy.

Anyway, Meadowlark Five is playing it's first gig in a while this Friday at Adanac, and on Saturday in North Bay. Here's the poster:

Minto is a super fun band. Check out this video for their song, Broken Down Trainbridge Blues (Lawyers):

It's pretty awesome.

As always, there will be pizza and pop served, and I figured out how to hook my iPod up to the PA so there will be music between the bands.

In addition, as you can see from the poster, Cali Closet in the Southridge Mall is sponsoring this show so there will be prizes courtesy of them and 10% discount cards given away at the door.

The show starts at 6PM and will also feature the local heavy rock and roll band Killing Queens and youngsters Shop Naked.

Hope to see you there!

I'm writing for NXEW now

2009-10-09T11:43:00.001-07:00

Hey everyone, I'm blogging over at NXEW now! Don't worry, I'll still be updating this blog with the same voracious infrequency that I have been in the last few months.

Check out my first NXNE post here

Back to Reality

2009-09-22T19:51:00.000-07:00

Upon the conclusion of the OAC jury, I decided to stay in Toronto for a couple of days and catch a few shows. The guys in LSD/City Sweethearts/Dany Laj were nice enough to let me crash at their swinging pad for a couple of days.

On Friday night, I took in the Pick a Piper/the Skeletones Four/Ruby Coast/Green Go show at the Horseshoe Tavern. The fellows from Ruby Coast were nice enough to get me a guest list spot. Ruby Coast now have horns in the their band and they sound terrific. These nice young gentlemen are going places, let me tell you. Once their full length is done in February, they are going to BLOW UP.

On Saturday night, I caught HEALTH at Wrong Bar. I was a little disappointed by the quality of the opening act Torontobeat (who had some good ideas but sounded under-practiced), and the fact that Pictureplace got turned away at the border, but HEALTH was awesome! Wrong Bar is a weird place. It's a little too clean and over-air conditioned. HEALTH played most of the stuff from their first album and a bunch of stuff from the new record, which is super pumpin' to hear live. There were about 200 people there, maybe more. I was right at the front and watched the lead guitarist writhe around in the fetal position for most of the night.

Afterwards, I managed to catch the end of Windom Earle's set at Rancho Relaxo. I managed to catch all of BA Johnston and Horses though. BA's got some new jokes! I missed Orphan Choir and the other opening act (I think they were called Cousins?) unfortunately.

So now I am back at home and I just spent most of today cleaning the garage. It is super tidy. Tomorrow, I will clean the jam room in our basement, which I am very excited about. There's nothing like a clean room to allow you to focus on creating.

Also, tomorrow (Wednesday) there is a house show at mine and Jon's place. If you are reading this, you are invited. I will not post our address on the Internet though. Performing will be Andrew Laviolette, Little Albert and Thunder Bay's JP De Roover. Hope to see you there cool guy.

Toronto's actually pretty sweet

2009-09-17T20:16:00.000-07:00

I've been in Toronto for the last two weeks judging on an OAC jury for the popular music program. The government flew me down here, along with some other musicians, to listen to submissions and decide whether they were any good.

As I am extremely judgmental, I have thoroughly enjoyed the last two weeks.

One of the jurors, Morgan Doctor, used to play drums in this band called the Cliks. She is super nice and invited all of the other jury members back to her place last night to play Wii and jam. Her house was recently featured on MTV Cribs.

On Wednesday night, I went down to Sneaky Dee's to catch Ancestors, and lo and behold City Sweethearts were playing. City Sweethearts are a band with some members who recently moved away from Sudbury.

This evening, I went down to Yonge Street and tagged along with Morgan to the Deerhoof concert. I got to go backstage and shake the drummer's hand from Deerhoof. It felt pretty awesome to walk out of a crowd of about 300 people and stroll backstage.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Toronto's not so bad, you guys.

North Bay

2009-06-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

We played the Bull & Quench last night and as always, we had a fun time in North Bay. I'm already starting to regret the decision to start a two-piece with so much gear. It was incredibly exhausting carrying all the stuff up the stairs last night, setting up, and carrying it out immediately afterwards.

We played with the following bands: Never Hit Again, 20 Big Mistakes, and Feels Like Yesterday. Didn't catch much of 20BM's set since we were loading out but these Drummondville, QC guys sounded tight. Also from Drummondville, NHA played a punk cover of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody which was totally awesome, and North Bay locals Feels Like Yesterday closed their set with a pretty wicked instrumental metal tune.

The guys from Drummondville were pretty french and I'm pretty anglophone, so I communicated with them mainly via the international language of high fives. I can speak OK french, but high fives speak louder than stammering, half-formed sentences.

Our new stage personas worked very well. We wore our leather jackets and sunglasses the whole time and the only thing that I said to the audience was "Kill Everyone Now" and "Thanks for the show Kelly." Tonight, I will add "Daddy Ate my Eyes" because Pauly from Feels Like Yesterday told me a horrific story last night about how some guy from out west ate his kid's eyeballs while on PCP and the cops later found him in a field trying to saw his own leg off. Pauly said the kid remarked to the cops, "Daddy Ate my Eyes".

Jon's bass broke so we couldn't play Ptreodactyl or the Fire Sermon. We're going to bring it to Music City today and figure out what's wrong. Ruggy from the Hometown Hecklers (www.myspace.com/hometownhecklers) was kind enough to loan Jon his bass should we not be able to get it fixed, so we should be fine tomorrow. Also, Kee Kee and Ruggy from the Hometown Hecklers let us stay at their house once again. They are super nice folks, and they are working really hard to make North Bay a fun city to play music in.

We're meeting up with the Mule Skinner guys in Orillia tomorrow so it will be nice to have some help carrying gear and we're looking forward to hanging with them for the next month.

I'm going to go buy some eggs and make an omelette.

Leaving on a lil' shipwreck

2009-05-31T18:03:00.000-07:00

Jon and I are leaving for the Meadowlark Lemon tour on Tuesday and so I thought I'd post a blog. I will try to keep updated on the road but as I found it very difficult to post regularly last time, I'm not making any promises. Check our myspace to see if we are coming to your town!

I have an interview coming up in Northern Rocks Magazine. Just click here to subscribe to it!

Also, Frank Chartrand has been kind enough to let me post on the punksud blog, so if you would like to read that, I will be putting stuff up on there once and a while.

Hamilton and Sudbury

2009-05-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Hamilton was great fun. We ended up leaving Ottawa quite late since Cameron and Steph got pretty wasted the night before and Steph peed in Chris' sink with Cameron still in the washroom since neither of them could find the light switch.

There's something about the highways leading into and out of Ottawa that makes them exceptionally windy. There was an incredible amount of road noise coming into the van most of the way between Ottawa and Hamilton, from high-pitched whistling to low, beating growls. The van sounded haunted. However, on the drive to Toronto from Hamilton that night, lil' shipwreck was quiet as a lamb. (same thing goes for Toronto to Sudbury, even though I was driving about 140 most of the way to Parry Sound)

In Hamilton at the Casbah Lounge, a fellow named Mike Simon opened for us, playing the outright weirdest set of music I have ever seen. He was running a dictaphone into a four-track recorder, then running that out of a small amp with built-in effects, and singing into his headphones. It was very noisy. During his whole set, there were Bollywood movies playing on a projection screen on the wall and during his last song, the guy on the Bollywood video was playing a trumpet and dancing around in a sequined feather suit. Every time Mike Simon would wail into his headphones, the guy in the movie would play his trumpet...ever watch "The Wizard of Oz" with "Dark Side of the Moon" playing?

I'm sorry to say I didn't catch much of our other opener, Alyssa in the Apple Tree's set. You see, on Friday night Tom Wilson's band Lee Harvey Osmond was playing next door at the larger Casbah. It was a $20 ticket, but Brodie was nice enough to let us all in for free. So, you see I became so entranced with their awesome blues/country/rock fusion that I did not watch Alyssa's set. I'm very sorry Alyssa.

We also got to meet Cam and Aaron from the band Huron, who just so happened to be playing in Tom's band. Amazing musicians, both of them, and super nice guys. They seemed as interested in how our show went as we were in watching theirs!

And our show went pretty well. I think we may have been a little loud for the venue because as soon as we launched into Parallelogram (our second song, with a very loud intro), we cleared the room. I'm pretty sure it was due to volume, anyways.

Oh well, we had fun, and we at least had more people who stuck around to watch us than we had in the Sault. I mentioned before that Brodie let us watch Tom's band. Brodie's the fellow who books the Casbah. He's a super nice guy, and has been kind enough to book dates for both the Meadowlark Lemon and Birthday Cakes tours for us! Glad I got to meet him!

Obviously, Saturday at the Townehouse was AMAZING! We opened the night, playing what I think was probably our most solid set of the entire tour so far. Despite the fact that we took the stage at 10:30 instead of the normal 11:00, the Townehouse was packed. There was even a lineup outside all night long. I know it sucks for the people who had to wait in line, but it made me feel good at the same time.

Hello Marx played a great set, and even included Tiger (which I was very excited about). It struck me on Saturday night how much Jordan has improved as a singer!

Shotgun Jimmie was also excellent, as were Attack in Black. Attack in Black is a LOT noisier live than they are on the album, and it makes their songs live and breathe in a dynamic way that is absolutely exhilarating. In short, my mom liked the album, but I'm pretty sure she would not like the band live.

Shotgun Jimmie's stuff was a bit more out there than I expected. There are some unconventional rhythms and song structures that I found surprising. I can't wait to give his album a listen!

Jimmie seemed a little more interested in talking to me than did Attack in Black. I guess they were a little tired from touring nearly nonstop. But, there's always that insecurity that plays in the back of your mind that makes you wonder if maybe your band and your songs aren't all that good, and you've been found out and one of your favourite bands simply didn't like your music.

I'm pretty sure it was due to fatigue though, because I could feel it settling in myself at the end of the night. Even though I went out to the after-party, and didn't get to bed until 5AM, I have slept in excess of 22 hours over the last two days. It may also be due to the copious amount of weed I smoked at the after party.

I will update today or tomorrow on what I did with my downtime, but today Carter and I are supposed to be going golfing and I have to get going if I want to make our 3PM tee-off!

My Review of Eye Was an Ion's "The EP"

2009-05-03T19:43:00.000-07:00

I wrote a review of the new Eye Was an Ion album for Northern Rocks Magazine, but I guess I must have submitted it too late or something because it wasn't published. Anyway, here is the review. It's a little short because I tried to keep it under 150 words:

Sudbury-based Eye Was an Ion's debut EP has been a long time in the making, and it shows. These are songs that have reached full maturity, having spent the last ten years marinating in the minds and on the tape reels of chief songwriters Ryan Kitchen and Mac Colasimone. The songs are at once distant-sounding and emotionally resonant, as if the weight of the world is hanging on the weary shoulders of the band.

This is not to say that the songs won't make you move. The rhythms are indeed as powerful as the melodies, contrasting nicely with the melancholy character of the songs. From start to finish, there is not a sleeper on this album.

The songs share common melodic themes, which helps to tie the album together as a cohesive unit, but there are of course a few standouts on the record. The arhythmic percussion at the start of I Will Hunt You gives it a spooky character, which makes the chorus all the more powerful. And, when the lyric "A Reason to Comfort You" is sung on the song The Measure of Attitude, it is absolutely heartbreaking. These two songs constitute the meaty high point of a swervy line that carries the album through it's meandering course.

This band is truly a gift to Northern Ontario music, accomplishing more with subtle whispers and glassy guitar textures than all the screaming and distortion in the world ever could.

The Balconies

2009-05-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

What a tremendous band! Their front-woman Jackie is unquestionably a rock star, and the rhythm section of Liam and Steve is super tight. These three are all graduates of the music program at Ottawa U, and worked their asses off to bring out over 80 people to Zaphod's on a Thursday night. So, to everyone who says Ottawa is a no fun city, fuck you. Ottawa is a super fun city, and is sure to end up being one of the most fun stops on our tour.

It was really nice to play through a proper PA, and our soundman Paul was very helpful and did an excellent job with the mix.

Opening band the Weathermakers also had some good things going. We're very grateful to them for taking the bullet an opening the night at 8PM.

We stayed at our friend Chris' house here in Ottawa last night, and for some reason everyone got really drunk. There were some funny moments, most specifically when Cameron came downstairs eating a Jamaican beef patty at 2AM, singing "We are Jamaica, we have a bobsled team," over and over, and then subsequently spilling ketchup all over the white t-shirt that I had loaned him.

We are in Hamilton tonight, and it is now 1:25, so it's time to hit the road!

Wow!

2009-04-30T08:25:00.000-07:00

What a great turnout last night! We had at least 40 people out to the Bull & Quench. Thanks to our awesome friends, and Hello Marx's awesome friends, we had lots of fans there (not to mention the Birds They Spy's awesome friends).

We all know how I feel about Hello Marx and how much I love their music, but The Birds They Spy were terrific as well. Also, Ben Herman played a wicked acoustic set to open the night after Paul played a set of Havocs tunes. Ben just has a beautiful baritone voice, and Paul obviously garaged up the night.

Ruggy and KeeKee from the Hometown Hecklers were nice enough to put us up for the night at their place and I'm writing this from their home PC. They have a very nice beagle called Chester who was sleeping on me but I didn't mind because he is cute as hell.

My camera died while I was taking pictures during the Birds They Spy's set, so I can't post any pictures just yet, but I will put some up once the battery is recharged.

North Bay

2009-04-29T17:45:00.001-07:00

We played to a small but enthusiastic crowd at Arcadia House in the Sault last night. Hello Marx rocked hard, and if I didn't know otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to tell that it was Simon's first show with the band.

Waterslide were very fun. They played a super tight set as an instrumental guitar and drums duo. Apparently, they have a keyboardist who couldn't make it out unfortunately. I hope I get to see the full band configuration at some point. Jason from waterslide was also a super nice guy who put us up for the night.

Afterwards, Chris from Northern Rocks magazine was nice enough to let us stay in his place, even though he's in the midst of a move to Thunder Bay. We had a fire in his back yard and hotboxed Hello Marx's van, after which point I returned to the fire to hear Chris remark about how much he hated barcodes, koi fish and dice. I thought those were pretty bizarre things to express such an immense distaste for, but it turned out he was talking about tattoos of those things.

We hit the road at about noon and left for North Bay. Currently, I am sitting in the upstairs of the Bull & Quench, waiting for the acoustic act who is supposed to play to show up. This show is already better attended than the one in the Sault so hopefully people keep coming!

In the Sault

2009-04-28T16:35:00.000-07:00

We're in the Sault. Matt, Danica, Jon and I jammed most of the way up here in the van. Don't worry, I only sang while driving. No keyboards.

Looks like one Mr. Matt Beech can actually sing! So, he's going to be singing some harmonies tonight. Arcadia House is a super awesome place and I can't wait to play here. It's a really nice building in the middle of downtown Sault Ste. Marie. I'm also happy to report that my Ludwig kit is ready to go thanks to Steph Duchesne who was able to put it together for me. I'm listening to Steph play it right now and it sounds pretty sweet.

It's 7:40 right now and I'm watching Hello Marx set up. I'm looking forward to seeing the local band Waterslide play too! Doors at 8, update tomorrow on how the show went! We're in North Bay tomorrow at the Bull & Quench with The Birds They Spy and Hello Marx once again.

Leaving for tour tomorrow

2009-04-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

I cleaned out my van today in preparation for the Meadowlark Five tour which begins in the Sault tomorrow (April 28th) at Arcadia House. It never fails to amaze me how many water bottles and pop cans can accumulate underneath the seats in my van within the span of a couple of months.

I also removed the piece of plywood which separates the front seats from the back seats. I think this makes the rear seating area less dungeon-esque. Fans of travelling dungeons will no doubt be disappointed.

I'm super excited to play tomorrow. We're playing with this band from the Sault called Waterslide (http://www.myspace.com/waterslid3) and Hello Marx (www.myspace.com/hellomarx). Hello Marx has replaced Felix with Simon Jutras on guitar, and I am interested to hear their new sound.

We also have brand new Meadowlark Five T-shirts, which look like this:

They only come in small and medium so to all you fatties out there, stay tuned for the upcoming flavours of Meadowlark Five ice cream.

Anyway, the show starts at 8 PM tomorrow.

Haha!

2009-04-13T23:35:00.000-07:00

Last Night

2009-04-01T10:51:00.001-07:00

Last night I stayed up until about 4 AM listening to Patton Oswalt's stand up routines on YouTube. Needless to say, I feel like a failure pile.

After having listened to EVERY SINGLE BIT OF RECORDED STAND UP BY PATTON OSWALT, I have noticed some similarities between him and BA Johnston's onstage persona. They've both got this weird mix of haughty above-it-all-ness while at the same time they can admit that at times (leading me to suspect most of the time), they are more pathetic that you are.

But, I think we can all relate because who hasn't pulled their oranged cheeto claw out of an empty family sized bag of Cheetos and exclaimed, "What have I done?!" I like to think that our pathos is what unites us as a species. That way, I don't feel so bad when I am being pathetic.

On another note, there is a show this Saturday at Adanac at 5:30. Come out! Here's that poster again:

My trip to BC

2009-03-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

I realized that I haven't posted anything about my trip to BC yet. Well, I'll rectify that here and now.

Everyone's always like, "Ohh British Columbia's sooo beautiful. You're never going to want to come back..." well, yeah, it's beautiful, but it's just a bunch of mountains. I don't understand why you need to live near a bunch of mountains to feel happy. There's plenty of beautiful scenery not too far outside of Sudbury.

I can see if your life revolved around snowboarding and skiing, how you would never want to come back though because Whistler/Blackcomb is incredible. Cameron, Carter and I ride pretty fast and it still took us half an hour to get from the very top of the hill to the bottom. The snow conditions weren't the greatest due to lack of snow, but it was fun just being able to turn left and right for once.

Due to lack of powder, on our second-to-last day in Whistler, my brothers and I decided it would be a good idea to go down the back of the mountain through Garibaldi Provincial Park, which was out of bounds but also full of untouched powder.

While it was the best run of the whole entire day, eventually we reached an impasse and the trees became too thick to continue. So, we unstrapped and began to walk to the left because that was the direction we came from.

First, Carter was complaining because he thought we were lost (which we were). Then, when we happened upon a trail, he was complaining because he was wasting his money walking when he should have been snowboarding (Carter loves getting his money's worth). Then, after we had been hiking for about two hours, he started complaining about hiking for so long. Carter complained a lot for some reason the whole entire weekend and basically acted like a giant baby a lot of the time.

All told, it took us about three hours to hike back to the resort, but we were able to hike through awesome forests full of gigantic trees!

Vancouver as a city didn't really impress me all that much. Montreal, Toronto, Vancouver, New York, Chicago, I've been to all these places and I'm still entirely unimpressed by large cities. I don't see what the big deal is. Sure, there's a million places to eat or whatever but who can afford to eat out all the time anyway? I maintain that it's the people you surround yourself with and the activities you engage in that will make you truly happy. Cities just provide a bunch of distraction and shiny lights so you can forget how sad you are.

Anyway, I will say this for Vancouver: I ate the most delicious burrito I've ever had at Budgie's Burritos, and there are a lot awesome snowboard shops where I spent a ridiculous amount of money. Also, on the way back from Whistler, I bought a one-piece snowsuit with a dice pattern on it for just $100. You can't beat that.

On our last night in town, Cameron and Carter and I went to an open mic night at this place in Vancouver called Cafe Deux Soleils. When we walked in, to our surprise, there on the stage was Diggery Do Guy! When we were on tour at the end of last summer, Diggery Do Guy opened a show for us in Brampton. We didn't say hi to him at the cafe though because he is a dick and didn't stick around to watch our set when he opened for us. Diggery Do Guy beatboxes and plays Diggery Do at the same time. It's kind of shitty.

However, following Diggery Do Guy, there was an amazing 2-piece band! One guy had a giant gong, a tiny cymbal, a bunch of pitched bowls that he placed on the ground and played with a mallet, and a jambe. The other guy had a wood flute, a weird four-stringed box sitar thing, and a conch. Basically, they went up and just jammed. Half the crowd left but I thought it was awesome. After opening with a free-time percussion jam, the one guy started playing the wood flute and then switched to making impossibly low noises with his voice, and then blowing into the conch.

It was the most passively confrontational stage performance I've ever seen. I high fived them both afterward.

Anyway, following are some pictures I took on my trip. There are no snowboarding pictures because my camera is too expensive and bulky to bring on the hill.

This is Cameron and I in the shuttle from the parking lot to the airport at 4 AM after 2 hours sleep the night before.

This is Cameron in Vancouver outside Sushi Yama, looking suave, wearing the blazer and ornate collared shirt that for some reason he refused to fly without. In fact, we nearly missed our flight so that Cameron could change into this very jacket prior to leaving:

This is an old ARP electronic piano that I found in a pawn shop in downtown Vancouver. It was in a bad state of repair, but I'm pretty sure it's a rare keyboard. It doesn't sound that great.

This is Carter stretching in the hotel room prior to our day of snowboarding at Cypress Mountain, which is a hill just outside of Vancouver. We like to call it Cypress Hill though, and all the way to the hill we were shouting "A to the Motherfuckin' K Homeboy!" I don't think our cousin Alanna liked that too much.

Also, you should know that Cameron and Carter love to stretch. They stretched every morning before snowboarding and every night afterward. I found the hot tub at our hotel to be sufficient to soothe my aches and pains.

This is a photo of Carter, Alanna and Cameron on our way up to Cypress Hill. This is a spot where you are supposed to stop and take photos. Not wanting to seem like total dicks, we obliged.

This is a shot of Van City from the same spot:

This is a shot of the sunset on our way out to Whistler from Vancouver. If you look closely, you can see a fat man dressed all in black. We took this while we were moving, along a stretch of highway that was pretty far removed from civilization, which leads me to believe that we have here captured an image of the legendary Sasquatch:

Here's a picture of a fuckin' mountain with a car whizzing by it. Carter took that shit. Carter took a lot of really crappy photos with my camera. There's mountains everywhere in BC. No big deal. BC's got mountains, Ontario has Tim Horton's:

I should mention that, while in BC, we basically lived the life of total ballers. We were staying about 40 feet from the gondola in a five star hotel, and we spent lots and lots of money. Take that, economic collapse! Following is some photo evidence of our luxurious lifestyle:

Our ballin' fireplace:

Our ballin' kitchen:

Our ballin' king-sized bed. (Ballin' poses courtesy of yours truly)

Our ballin' jacuzzi tub and shower:

Cameron and I ballin' near the ballin' rims on our ballin' Chrysler 300, and then making use of our ballin' sunroof and power windows (manual windows are for suckas):

This is the view from the balcony of my room. I told you there were mountains everywhere!

This is some graffiti that was in the washroom of the gas station in Squamish, BC (about an hour from BC). It says, "ALL YOU SQUAMPTON FAGETS!! FUCK YOU + ALL YOU POSERS COME TO EAST VAN And we'll see What's up!"

Some more fuckin' mountains (T-shirt idea: "I went to BC and all I got was this lousy MILLIONS OF PICTURES OF MOUNTAINS"):

Carter and I near some mountains and some water:

This is a very sensual extreme closeup that Carter took of me while I was washing dishes after we got back from BC:

I was going to

2009-03-24T19:01:00.000-07:00

I was going to apologize for not having updated in a while but then I realized that's stupid. I'm a busy man and you can damn well wait for the sugary sweet water that is the details of my life to slowly trickle out through the tiny pinhole in the dam of my communication with the outside world that is this blog.

How does this information taste, after such a long absence, does it taste sweeter than ever? Or does your bitterness due to my indifference to your suffering mar it and turn it into a vomitous poison?

Anyway, I have written a couple of album reviews for the upcoming issue of Northern Rocks. But, there is a catch. In order to read them, you must subscribe! Then, Northern Rocks sends you a fabulous .pdf file every month with delicious musical goodness inside. Well not delicious musical goodness so much as words describing delicious musical goodness. And, I guess some of it is describing music that is not so good or just okay so whatever, just subscribe please.

And, the terrific band Ruby Coast is coming on April 4th to play Adanac Ski Hill. Here is their myspace. Seriously, go listen to their tunes. THAT BAND IS COMING TO SUDBURY! Here is the wicked awesome poster I made for the show:

#31

2009-03-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

The Birthday Cakes were #31 on the Canadian Campus Radio charts this past week! Yay for us! Click here to see the chart.

The Birthday Cakes Charting Nationally!

2009-03-12T18:56:00.000-07:00

The Birthday Cakes are #48 on the national campus radio charts! Hooray! (Houray?)

Click here to see the earshot charts.

Oh man

2009-03-11T11:07:00.000-07:00

I have never wished I had my camera with more than I did last night. Library Voices played a joyous explosion of a set in the Millards' garage along with locals Willett, Eye Was an Ion, Bunnies in Berlin and Lightmares.

Willett's debut performance was extremely tight, showing a supreme knack for pop songcraft and subtle harmony. Reminiscent of groups like She & Him and Mates of State, Willett's presence on the Sudbury music scene is extremely welcome.

Eye Was an Ion also played a terrific set. Their music is dark-sounding, rhythmically propulsive, and emotionally distant, and yet it is extremely powerful and engaging. I am so happy that they are gigging around here. This five piece will be performing with Willett at the CKLU open stage on Mach 26th, and will be releasing their debut album on May 1st. If you're reading this, and you're from Sudbury, you must go see these bands!

Obviously, Bunnies in Berlin and Lightmares played excellent sets. On their home turf (the garage), they are untouchable forces of nature that barrel through their sets with reckless abandon. I can't say enough about these young bands. Also, Bunnies in Berlin finally has some recordings up on their myspace so you should check it out!

Honestly, a special place in heaven is reserved for Library Voices. This is one of the best bands I have ever seen. Not just in the garage, but ever. Plus, have you ever seen a 10-piece band in a garage? I have. Have you ever cried subtle tears of joy while watching a band in a garage? I have. I would put them on the same level of musical ability as large bands like Broken Social Scene and Most Serene Republic.

After the garage show, I took the Library Voices people to the Townehouse along with Mac from Eye Was an Ion to see their Saskatchewan friends in the bands We Were Lovers and the Sheepdogs.

We Were Lovers has a super hot girl named Elsa as their lead singer/keyboardist, and the Sheepdogs simply destroyed the stage with their tight harmonies and impeccably arranged guitar work. They played to a bar that was empty except for a few drunks, Library Voices, Mac and myself. I only caught the end of We Were Lovers' set, but I will be sure to catch them next time they come through! They're on their way to SXSW right now so I wish them luck at the border.

All in all, it was a great night.

The Birthday Cakes Reviewed in Northern Rocks Magazine

2009-03-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

Below is the text of the review of the Birthday Cakes album in Northern Rocks Magazine, reproduced for your viewing pleasure. Apparently, their favourite song on the album was I (heart) music's least favourite! Someone is wrong here...or is someone right? To receive the future issues of Northern Rocks, and to read past issues, click here to go to their website!

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This Sudbury band’s album case is eye catching in its colours and entertaining in its design. There is a lot going on, with scissors wearing pants, a conveyor belt of peanut butter making fruit dance and rainbows. Each picture ties into a song name. It is enough to make you want to listen to the album just to hear what the heck these guys are about.

The songs themselves are a jumbled mix of styles not only throughout the album but throughout each song, making the sound hard to pin down. This can be a good thing showing that the band is anything but cookie cutter but it can also make it difficult since different sounds are preferred by different moods and situations.
The song that stands out most is “The Birthday Cakes Theme”, a loud punk [song] interrupted by chanting of “chocolate, vanilla, ice cream, banana”. It’s quite catchy and it bridges the album. Falling around the middle the song unites the hodgepodge arrangement of old timey, punk, electronic pop and slow rock that is the first five songs. The last few songs are loud and heavy; sounding almost like it came from a different band than some of the songs earlier in the album.

Romper Room is good, despite its fast and almost constant mood changes. It is able to go from light hearted to almost ghoulish in a few seconds but still holds onto its integrity. It really does have something for everyone. It is clear that the band put a lot into it and this allows it to shine. (www.myspace.com/birthdaycakesthe) Christy Pyette

Oh No Forest Fires Interview in Sudbury Star

2009-03-05T09:09:00.000-08:00

Click Here to Read it!

They got some of the info wrong (they left out the fact that Life Size Dream is playing and they put that the cost of admission is $7 when in fact it is $5), but whatevs; still a good interview!

I'm pumped for Saturday, are you?

This Saturday

2009-03-03T16:48:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday at Adanac was totally awesome! Malentendu, Ancestors, Lunchmeat and Bot all rocked Adanac with furious abandon. We had a great turnout, and I bonked my head off some other kid in the mosh pit. I was wearing my sunglasses at the time and I thought that the arm had broken in half and that it was sticking out through my ear, but as it turned out it was just the plastic tab from my earplugs. Why would I think that?

The after-show at the Millards' garage went really well too. Sadly, I missed Bunnies in Berlin's set because Carter and I went for coffee. By the way, check out their myspace; they finally have some songs recorded! (Just click on their name: it is hyper-linked with the HTML!)

However, I am glad that Carter got a coffee because he delivered the pumpinest drum performance I've ever seen him give!

I took Ancestors for Big Drippers at Sub City afterwards (a sandwich they won't soon forget, I'm sure), and I attempted and failed to eat an entire large vegetarian pizza. Annabelle showed up randomly, ate a slice, and then subsequently vanished into the night only to apparently fall over a fence into waist-deep snow while trying to take a shortcut home. (I offered her a ride but she wouldn't take it)

This Saturday, my seven-piece rock band Meadowlark Five and my band the Birthday Cakes will be playing a show at Adanac with the awesome band Oh No Forest Fires from Toronto. Also performing will be Life Size Dream and Lightmares.

Here is the poster I designed for the show. See if you can decipher the hidden meaning in it:

Just kidding, there's no hidden meaning.

Also, the Birthday Cakes were ranked at number 7 this past week on the CFOU campus radio charts for Trois Rivieres. We were also ranked number 8 on the CFBX campus radio chart for Kamloops, BC! So, good for us.

Ancestors Interview in the Sudbury Star

2009-02-26T15:48:00.000-08:00

The Sudbury Star conducted an interview with Jordan Richie from the band Ancestors. Read it here.

Come to the show! And, come to the after-show show at the Millards' garage!

A Short Story

2009-02-24T14:27:00.000-08:00

Thoughts of…sexual congress… leak into mind, having partially eroded the bulwarks. The flame of Divinity quavers and hisses. Prayers for solidarity of mind go unanswered.

Been getting to this point for years, now it is undeniable.

Human Frustration crashes against Divine Will. The two fragment and temporarily, they are forged into a bastard alloy by the random heat of lust. How to make a wise decision in such a state?

Death is easy; becoming Divine and Permanent is hard. Is Easy necessarily Evil?

Can a lying throat covered by a clerical collar still speak of Perfect Truth?

Public waits. Human nerves, human flesh, God's word. Is there a point in trying to commune with the Lord? Human touch is more immediate, more immediately satisfying.

Liar, speak with conviction. Liar, what else is there to do? Liar, this has been a long time coming. Only those who confess will have their shame made public. Redemption only comes when shame is admitted.

If an arm sins, it must be cut off.

Public hangs on his every word. A liar speaks every one of His words, sinful arms intact, rendering the words irrelevant.

Four of the assembled achieve a transcendent religious experience, temporal lobes seizing in beautiful ecstasy. Is it still authentic?

Leaving for BC

2009-02-12T08:21:00.001-08:00

I'm leaving for BC for the week tonight. I have to attend a very important Myths & Mirrors board meeting this evening, so Cameron, Carter and I won't be able to leave Sudbury until 8 or 9 tonight. We'll drive to Toronto and spend the night at my aunt and uncle's. Then, we depart at 7 AM with my cousin Alana for the West!

I will try to learn how to use my camera on the plane and I will have my lappy with me, so I'll try to update daily on the epic-ness that is my life.

See you in the car,

Millhouse

Last weekend

2009-02-09T06:31:00.000-08:00

It was a blast! A ton of people came out on Saturday night at the Townehouse, perhaps more than ever before! It was awesome to see Dead Flowers play again. Even though two of their members were sick, they still gave it their all. Matt Ralph was Mick Jagger in snowmobile boots.

Not many people came to the all-ages show unfortunately, but it was still super fun. For once I didn't order too much pizza, and witnessing I Was an Ion's debut performance was a thing of beauty. They are playing a show next Thursday at the Townehouse with Life Size Dream (Formerly High Deaf).

Our friend Brandon Grey took some great pictures at the Myths show (though there are only a few of them). Here is the link to his flickr.

A special place in heaven is reserved for Mule Skinner. These two guys were awesome to hang out with all weekend and rocked the living shit out of every gig they played. Matt Davis' family was super nice, and hopefully Hotel Mule Skinner becomes a regular place to catch an underground show in Niagara Falls.

I'd also like to mention the band Spooky Scarecrows, with whom we played in Niagara. Their set featured ghosts, drums, a shirtless, scarf-wearing viking, trombones, confetti, synth and sax. Despite the fact that they never practice, they played a lively and powerful set at Hotel Mule Skinner. It must be nice to play in a band that doesn't need to practice. I will post some pictures soon of this show.

In short, even though I was running on about 4 hours sleep on Saturday night, it was an amazing feeling to get the audience response that we did at the Townehouse. To see people lined up seven or eight rows back is incredibly gratifying. In addition, Lightmares sounded amazing at the Townehouse! It was probably the best set I've ever seen them play (and I've seen them play a lot).

Van update

2009-02-05T22:25:00.001-08:00

My van is fixed! Lil' Shipwreck is once again ready to sail the stormy seas of highway 400! Next stop, Niagara Falls. All Aboard! Thanks to the work of Frank's Transmission in Chelmsford, Ladyboy Records is now fully prepared to rock the living shit out of everywhere and anywhere within driving distance.

Also, I think the radio show went pretty well tonight. Matt and I had some good verbal interchanges (maybe a few too many for listeners to handle) but hey, I guarantee it was more entertaining than Terry and Mel.

See you in Niagara Falls, lovers.

Mule Skinner Interview in the Sudbury Star

2009-02-05T11:01:00.001-08:00

Damien from Mule Skinner had an interview published in today's Sudbury Star. Click Here to read it. He was worried that it didn't come across well, but I think it was great!

This Weekend

2009-02-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

Meadowlark Lemon is playing some shows this weekend.

On Friday, we are in Niagara Falls:

(Poster designed by Damienfrom Mule Skinner)

Mule Skinner
Spooky Scarecrows
Le Stack

On Saturday, we are playing an early all-ages show at Myths and Mirrors at 6 PM with:

Mule Skinner
Eye Was an Ion (check these guys out-they are really good!)
Lightmares
Dead Flowers (no myspace yet)

Then, we are playing the Townehouse at 11PM with all the same bands except for Eye Was an Ion.

The above poster was designed by Matt Marager from Small Change, inc.

Please bring a non-perishable food item if you come to either of these shows as we are trying to help out the Laurentian University food bank.

Meadowlark Lemon album review from the Cambrian Shield

2009-02-03T21:56:00.001-08:00

Below is a review that Matt Moskal did of the Meadowlark Lemon album in the Cambrian Shield. It is very nice. It again repeats the mantra "not for everyone"...is Meadowlark Lemon for you? I am going to be on Mr. Moskal's radio program this Thursday on CKLU from 6 PM to 8 PM. You can set your radio dials to 96.7 or listen on the Internet at here. I think you may need Winamp to listen online, which I hear really whips the Llama's ass.

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Meadowlark Lemon's debut album Twists is one of the most innovative musical projects to come out of Sudbury recently.

Stylistically, Twists' songs aren't about well-placed pop hooks or gimmicky songwriting. Each song carries its own degree of importance by setting a bleak or hopeful tone in their lengthy durations. Essentially, Meadowlark Lemon are polar opposites of their label mates The Birthday Cakes.

Opening track Sand is a seven-minute organ-fueled daydream. Keeping the composition relatively simple, but the tone relatively dark. Sand ushers in Twists gently and appropriately.

Second track Ropes is the closest Meadowlark Lemon get to following pop songwriting form. With busy verses of corresponding keyboard, picked guitar, glockenspiel, and dual vocal parts changing to a simplified rhythmic chorus, Ropes is the most accessible track on Twists. Its closing sing-along carries the biggest emotional payoff, despite its lyrics.

"I'm not feeling well, I don't think I'll be coming in today," sing guitarist Jonathan Danyliw and keyboardist Clayton Drake during Ropes.

At the end of the day, Ropes may be the most appropriate of songs for a drive home.

Hey You does share more than just a title with Pink Floyd. The song offers a bleak and progressive tone before exploding in its last two minutes with souldful R & B backing vocals and wah-laden guitar.

Major album highlight Fashion Hawk is an exercise in shape shifting percussion, haunting whistles and incredibly catchy and rhythmic keys. From Start to finish the track conveys more energy than the rest of the album, transforming from a danceable poppy tone to distorted and noisy punk.

Closing track A Nice Summer Day is the most uplifting of all of the tracks. Oceanic-toned slide guitar and Beach Boys reminiscent vocals carry the tune forward through its front end. The back half is presented in a louder and more aggressive fashion before Danyliw and Drake ease off and let the remaining reverb dissolve into silence.

Meadowlark Lemon's Twists isn't necessarily for everyone. But it is a unique offering that is suitable for anyone willing [to] broaden their musical horizons.

-Matt Moskal

New Birthday Cakes Song, "Poltergeist"

2009-02-02T15:52:00.000-08:00

Here is a brand new song that Cameron, Carter and I wrote and recorded this weekend. It's called "Poltergeist":

My Review of Oh No Forest Fires' album "The War on Geometry"

2009-02-01T08:26:00.000-08:00

"Fighting Heidi" By Oh No Forest Fires (just click the play button, it will take a minute to load, but it will work I promise):

Oh No Forest Fires’ debut album/EP (is there any point in making this distinction anymore?) “The War On Geometry” shows the band is capable of some truly pumpin’ tunes. (Pumpin’-ness being my number one criteria for enjoying an album, and exclusion of gay shit being my number two criteria.) For the most part, Oh No Forest Fires keeps the tunes pumpin’, and the gay shit to a minimum. Softer parts serve to make the pumpin’ parts more pumpin’, but don’t descend into a morass of boring FM Radio wankery (which would be gay shit).

Like all good pop songs, Oh No Forest Fires’ songs are built around catchy choruses, but they take care to pay as much attention to the rest of the song and create interesting arrangements.

Fans of textured guitar work will find something to like on the album’s later tracks, and the rhythm section is constantly propelling the songs forward towards their barrelling, climactic conclusions.

If you like your music to spend the majority of its time jumping up in the air and trying to touch the ceiling instead of lounging around on the couch, you will love “The War on Geometry”. Plus, the girl who sings harmonies on the second song sounds hot and I’d like to meet her.

If you’re the kind of idiot who just listens to the lead singer in a band instead of the band as a whole, you probably won’t like Oh No Forest Fires, as front man Rajiv Thavanathan definitely does not adopt a traditional Bella Canto style of singing. But then if this is you then you’re stupid and so no one cares about your opinion anyways you stupid idiot. Rajiv has good pitch, and he spends the majority of his time singing in his upper register, which suits me just fine.

At the same time, even poor pitch can be forgiven if it serves the interest of the music, so quit being so rigid about singers there Hitler. If you liked singers so much you’d just buy all the American Idol albums dummy. I mean, the girl from SS Cardiacs has terrible pitch but holy shit does it make her sound vulnerable and endearing (another girl I’d like to meet). Plus, she’s on key most of the time.

Good lyrics are neat and everything, but unless lyrics are amazing (the second Shins album) or terrible (recent Weezer), they don’t normally have an impact on my enjoyment of an album. ONFF’s lyrics do not detract from the songs, and indeed add to them in many instances (like the album’s many shout-along hooks). If I had written their lyrics, I would not be disappointed with myself. Lots of them sound cool, and I’m pretty sure most of these songs are about girls so yeah, the lyrics are good enough for me. Why are you so hung up on lyrics anyway?

Listen, this is a good album and if you don’t like it you’re either stupid or ignorant or Hitler.

You can buy "The War on Geometry" here for just $3.99!

Visit Oh No Forest Fires on myspace here.

Review of "Twists" From Northern Rocks Magazine

2009-02-01T07:33:00.000-08:00

This is the review of our album from Northern Rocks. My favourite part is at the end: "...this album is not for everyone. Who should listen to it, I don't know..."

At any rate, I thought it was a pretty awesome review but that part made me laugh. I was expecting him to recommend it to a certain type of listener, but he had no idea who might like it! At least he liked it. You'd like it too, I'm sure.

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Meadowlark Lemon is not what you would expect to see develop in the midst of the Sudbury youth music scene but rather at a quiet nightclub with clean floors. Jonathan Danyliw’s vocals scream of REM as his voice cuts through the soft, sweet sounds of acoustic guitar and drums on the opening track “Sand”. Clayton Drake pounds low keys on the piano and sends chills up your spine as the beautiful sound of “Hey You” introduces itself to your senses. Almost exactly half way through the album Meadowlark Lemon flips everything upside down and comes back with a more cheerful sound added with more experimentation.

Twists could be great background music when you're reading a book or having a nice fancy dinner with important guests, but don’t let that make you think that the album is not great because it is masterfully assembled and perfect in most instances. These are the kind of songs you suspect of being written by professional song writers when really it comes from the mind of two guys living with the Superstack (look it up). Although Twists is only 5 songs long it comes in at almost 35 minutes which makes it worth every penny. I won’t lie to you and tell you that everyone must have this but instead say that this album is not for everyone. Who should listen to it, I don’t know but you will be surprised and that is the truth. If nothing else you will enjoy trying to solve the maze on the album cover. (www.myspace.com/meadowlarklemonband)

Chris Rancourt

To Subscribe to Northern Rocks Online Magazine, Click Here

"Romper Room" Number One on CKLU!

2009-01-31T23:14:00.000-08:00

The Birthday Cakes album, "Romper Room", was number one on CKLU's charts this past week! Yay for us! Here is the link to the charts.

Owner's Manual

2009-01-30T20:25:00.000-08:00

Here is the download link to a new Birthday Cakes song that Carter and I wrote today. It's called Owner's Manual:

click here

Grizzly Bear

2009-01-28T21:57:00.001-08:00

I was waiting for the new Grizzly Bear album to come out before I listened to anything, but I got antsy and checked out their myspace. It is unfair that they should be able to write such amazing songs with such ease. There is no way to express how far behind Grizzly Bear I am in terms of songwriting. I guess it's time to try four times as hard.

Seriously, listen to "Two Weeks"! Those fucking assholes make it seem so easy to write such great music. It's like, "Yeah, I wrote that song, and yeah, it is perfect in every way...don't all your songs come out that way?"

Jerks.

Millards' Garage Tonight

2009-01-28T12:30:00.000-08:00

The Birthday Cakes are playing the Millards' garage tonight at 459 Lasalle with the Coffins, the Hometown Hecklers, Lightmares and Bunnies in Berlin. Show starts at 7PM. We will be playing all new material.

I'm going to have my digital recorder on hand to try and capture Bunnies in Berlin's songs.

the Coffins: www.myspace.com/thec0ffins

The Hometown Hecklers: www.myspace.com/hometownhecklers

Poster:

Giant White Van: Status Update

2009-01-27T12:08:00.000-08:00

So the van is going to cost about $1800 to fix.

Apparently, spinning the tires in an attempt to extricate myself from the icy parking lot caused the drive shaft to spin freely, without resistance. Since the drive shaft was already slightly bent (which was causing the vibrations I was experiencing at highway speeds), these high revolutions caused lateral forces that were too great for the shaft to handle. It exploded at the tail end of the van, sending shrapnel into the transmission casing.

So, the moral of the story is to call a tow truck if you're stuck.

At least it will be ready in time for the Meadowlark Lemon Niagara show.

The Birthday Cakes Reviewed on I (heart) Music

2009-01-26T21:54:00.000-08:00

Click Here to read the review!

Meadowlark Lemon to be reviewed in Northern Rocks Magazine

2009-01-23T07:55:00.000-08:00

A review of Meadowlark Lemon's album "Twists" will be featured in February's issue of Northern Rocks Magazine. You simply have to subscribe to read the magazine, and then they e-mail it to you at the first of every month. Northern Rocks is an extremely positive thing for the Northern Ontario music scene. It is well-written and features some excellent profiles of Northern Ontario artists as well as artists touring through Northern Ontario. To subscribe, follow this link.

Interview in the Sudbury Star regarding the PA Cooperative

2009-01-22T10:17:00.000-08:00

I was interviewed yesterday for an article that appeared in the Sudbury Star today. Click Here to Read it!

And to those of you from Toronto, please come out to our show tomorrow at the Press Club:

Birthday Cakes Featured in Toronto Independent Music Podcast

2009-01-21T14:28:00.000-08:00

Check it out here

Oh no!

2009-01-21T11:08:00.000-08:00

The driveshaft on my beloved giant white van blew out today after I got stuck in the Huntington University parking lot. Hopefully I can get it fixed by tomorrow so we can take it to Toronto on Friday. Otherwise, I need to find a plan B.

Our First Negative Review

2009-01-20T17:22:00.000-08:00

Chartattack Magazine has a semi-negative review of the Meadowlark Lemon album on their site. Better than nothing I guess...

Click here to read it

They also posted a negative review of the spelling on the Birthday Cakes' liner notes:

Click here to read it

Upcoming showZA

2009-01-19T22:32:00.000-08:00

This one's for the Toronto Peeps:

This one's for the PA Cooperative. It's a fundraiser so if you care about the Sudbury music scene, please come out and support it:

This one's in Millards' garage at 459 Lasalle. So if you care at all about getting wasted and watching punk bands, then you should come out and support it:

I'm on the radio tomorrow

2009-01-12T19:00:00.000-08:00

I'm going to be on CKLU Campus Radio tomorrow at 3PM EST on the show Gap Junction. I'll be playing Sudbury music as the show is about showcasing tunes from different municipalities and I have been asked to represent Sudbury. Represent, yo!

Anyways, you can stream that shit at http://www.cklu.ca/streaming.htm or tune in on the old radiophone at 96.7 FM if you're in Sudbury.

More blogs to come soon. I've been very busy with school this week; sorry to disappoint my adoring public and my arch nemesis Anonymous.

Last Day

2008-12-30T09:45:00.001-08:00

Today is my last day at the mine. In fact, I'll be leaving in another two hours. The guys had a cake brought to the mill for me, and they gave me a portrait of a mine rescue team member drawn by a worker here at the mine. It's really nice. They also gave me a knife and a portable mug. I've never been treated like this when leaving a job before. It's a great feeling to know that your work was appreciated. The guys here are all hard workers, and they care about the success of the place a great deal. They're mostly friendly and they don't often get too stressed out. I must admit, this has been the best job I've ever had. However, I am looking forward to going back to school and being in Sudbury full time for the next four months.

Best and Worst of 2008

2008-12-29T07:32:00.001-08:00

The considerable glut of “best” and “worst” lists of 2008 has inspired me to create my own “best and worst of” list for the year that will be ending in a few short days. It’s not like one more list will crash the Internet or anything…OH NO, THE INTERNET WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?!

Best Cheese of 2008:

While this year’s entries from Cheddar and Mozzarella are extremely compelling, I have to put my money on the sexy new project from a cheese that combines the best that both of these cheeses have to offer. Of course I am talking about Marble Cheese. Marble Cheese took the cheese scene by storm this year with a salty creaminess that left older cheeses checking their rear view mirrors.

There is no question that 2008 was the year of Marble Cheese. Mixing 21st century mash-up culture with classic cheese nutrition, Marble Cheese simultaneously pays homage to the storied history of cheese while plotting a course that will ensure that cheese remains the world’s number two milk-based food for years to come (second only to milk itself). Take that Yogurt, you pussy!

I personally have consumed, without fail, upwards of one pound of Marble Cheese per day over the past 365 days and I can tell you, I have never felt better. Thanks to Marble Cheese, my bowel movements are more satisfying, and I have plenty of Vitamin D and Calcium stockpiled for the winter.

There is no cheese that reflects the capital-C type Change that Obama promised than Marble. Marble Cheese is here to party. Marble Cheese is also the type of cheese you can take home and introduce to your parents. Marble Cheese is the future, and it’s no coincidence that “Marble Cheese” has become a synonym for “cool” among the hipper crowds this year.

An honorable mention goes to Swiss Cheese, for having fun holes in it that you can look through. Who among us hasn’t had the near-mystical experience that comes along with viewing the world through a cheesy, Swiss filter? If holes = fun, then Swiss Cheese is at least seventeen times as fun as donuts, which as we all know have only one measly hole.

This year’s most egregious example of Worst Cheese is clearly Blue Cheese. This evil and base cheese wants nothing more than to suck the life out of your party. Where Marble Cheese is the cheese of your children and your children’s children, Blue Cheese is squarely stuck in the outdated and foolish neoconservative ideology of the Bush Administration. Let us all band together to banish this ill-conceived cheese back to the udders from whence it came.

Worst Magazine of 2008:

Rolling Stone magazine. No question. After years of precipitous decline, Rolling Stone has finally taken the cyanide capsule and blasted off to a distant galaxy where conspiratorial, left wing politics coexist with a blinding love for all brothers named Jonas. At this point, Cat Fancy is a more credible source for music criticism than Rolling Stone. I will admit that my main reason for naming them Worst Magazine is their inclusion of the Jonas Brothers’ album A Little Bit Longer at number 40 on their year-end top 50 list.

While I haven’t listened to the Jonas Brothers’ new album, I have prepared a Venn Diagram illustrating my feelings on the subject, the intersection of which provides incontrovertible evidence of the gay suckiness of their new album.

Rolling Stone has for some reason labeled the Jonas Brothers as the saviours of Power Pop. That’s funny, because I always thought their existence was evidence of an all-time cultural low in that self-same genre. And anyway, who ever said that power pop needed saving? Last time I checked, Power Pop was doing just fine thank you very much, considering that it underlies nearly every top 40 rock song and provides the basis for modern emo.

Rolling Stone seems convinced that the Jonas Brothers are talented because, despite the fact that they are on Disney Records, they write most of their own music and play most of the instruments on their album. Playing and writing your own music isn’t a virtue in and of itself. At most, it’s merely one of the check boxes on the “Are you in an actual band?” checklist.

And anyway, no album belongs on a top 50 list if it contains such an indefensibly terrible and comically out-of-place rap part as the one on their single Burnin’ Up. Hey, do you know what would really spice this song up? If we let our fat, middle aged bodyguard intimidate everyone who’s listening to this song into dancing! That would be Marble Cheese!

BIG ROB'S RAP:Yeah, its burning up
In this place tonight
The brothers singing loud (and we're feeling right!)
Get up and dance (don't try and fight it!)
Naw, for real (and thats no lie!)
Stop, drop and roll (and touch the floor!)
(It keeps on burnin' up)
More and more!
I got JB with me, layin' it down
Come on boys
Let's bring the chorus around!

Big Bob requires you to dance! (or else)
He will tear you apart. (If you don’t comply)
And throw your desiccated limbs (into a trash compactor)

Okay, I made that last part up.

If anyone’s going to save power pop, it’s going to be Sudbury’s own Statues, who have been cranking out awesome albums at a feverish pace for the last few years now, and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. And guess what? They play and write all their own music! *Swoon*

Also, I get it, Rolling Stone, you have a huge boner for Bob Dylan. You can shut up about it now. Geez, a guy writes one song about you and four decades later, you’re still hanging off his withered old sack like a sloth.

Best Concert of 2008:

Grizzly Bear, at Lollapalooza. I will admit I am extremely biased because I LOVE Grizzly Bear almost as much as Rolling Stone loves Bob Dylan’s crispy fried private parts, but this was the high point of the entire festival for me. According to my iPod, I’ve listened to their album Yellow House over 60 times now. I can’t remember what the set list was because I’ve always been horrible at remembering set lists, and I doubt it would have mattered anyways because I didn’t even recognize half of the material they played, but I was really close to the stage and the sound was excellent, and the way they perform together is truly spectacular in its understated way.

I also saw Radiohead at Lollapalooza, but that experience was largely marred by the presence of other people. The crowd talked disrespectfully during the quiet parts of songs (often drowning out the music), and the two people in front of me who I will call World’s Greatest Dad and his Stupid Bitch Daughter were an endless source of annoyance. World’s Greatest Dad kept putting his Stupid Bitch Daughter on his shoulders, and when he got tired of that, he’d let her down, turn around and secretly take a hit off the marijuana pipe that the British guy next to me was hauling on.

At one point, he turned to me during a song and literally said, “Is this awesome or what? If this isn’t awesome I don’t know what is!” I KNOW IT IS AWESOME THAT IS WHY I AM TRYING TO LISTEN TO IT AND NOT YOU REMARKING ON HOW AWESOME IT IS!

Stupid Bitch Daughter spent the majority of the concert texting her friends, presumably about how awesome the show was. I was so angry I wanted to smash her phone on the ground.

Worst Musical Performance of 2008:

Cameron and I went down to Toronto before the summer started and saw Miracle Fortress open for the Born Ruffians. Born Ruffians were awesome and so were Miracle Fortress, and it was an incredible show except for the fact that Slim Twig opened.

Slim Twig really really sucks and should not be allowed to play music in front of people. If you want to watch a show where someone makes screeching, formless guitar noises for half an hour straight, drowning out the rest of his band, and occasionally rabbles an incoherent, Hamburglar-like sentence into the microphone, and generally acts like an all-around asshole, then go see Slim Twig post haste.

Slim Twig’s band had a cello player, a super hot girl playing a Farfisa organ, and a drummer. In Slim Twig’s defense, I did get to mentally undress his keyboard player for a half an hour straight. When else will I get the opportunity to leer at an attractive female for an extended period of time while still appearing socially acceptable? Since then, I have not had such an opportunity. So, thank you for that, Mr. Twig. But please stop making poisonous music.

Anyway, thanks for reading and tune in next year for an equally comprehensive analysis of the year that was! *Whoosh* (that's the sound of the closing CGI graphic floating across your screen)

Overheard at Coffee Break

2008-12-27T13:01:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how it happened, but the guys (all between the ages of 45 and 55) in the lunchroom today at afternoon coffee break started talking about the drugs they used to use in the days of their youth.

"There was this guy who used to sell pure THC. I guess what they'd do is liquify the weed and put it in a centrifuge separating the THC, then we'd snort it. I was sitting in class one day after the first time I had done it, and I could swear my nose was running, and I kept checking it but it wasn't, then I felt like I was up to my chest in snot. After school, we went back to my friend's place, and we put this Alice Cooper record on, and there was this song where it's just the sound of a mother calling her child over and over again, and all I kept thinkin' it was my mom calling me."

"Yeah, but coke was the best. You wanna stay up for a week straight..."

"I used to do window pane a lot-"

ME: What's "window pane"?

"It's acid."

"I used to give my cat window pane by the quarter square, and he'd go haywire! Hid tail would stick out straight, and he'd start walking sideways. Then, he'd go to the window and I was always worried he was gonna jump out and go "splat" on the ground (because I lived like four stories up), but he'd just leap out onto the eavestrough and run up onto the roof and he'd just fuckin' howl for hours and hours! When I moved out to BC, my sister offered to take care of him for me but he turned out to be so crazy that she had to have him put down. Kept attackin' people I guess."

"This other time, me and my buddy decided to do acid and go fishin'. We had a bunch of beer with us, and we figured it would be a good idea to tie the case to a rock and sink it to the bottom of the lake to keep it cold. Problem was, we didn't think to attach a rope to it, and we ended up sinking it deeper than we could manage to swim, so we had to go back to shore and grab some big rocks to weigh ourselves down with to reach the bottom each time we wanted a beer. Pretty near fuckin' drowned that day! Now, I had been fishing that particular spot at that lake my whole life up to that point, but when we were ready to leave, I was completely lost! That's how fucked up I was. Eventually, we made it back but it took us a couple hours. Then -and I can't remember why- this guy wanted to fight me. So I was like, 'you wanna fight? Let's fight!' and I guess I was so intense and fidgety that I just scared the shit out of him and eventually he was just beggin' me not to fight him."

Routinized motion

2008-12-26T14:57:00.000-08:00

The minute hand came to rest on the “30”. Peter rose (it would be more descriptive to say “semi-unfurled”) from the lunch table and hastily (or as hastily as he was able) shuffled his way back towards his office; eyes downcast, shoulders hunched, arms dangling.

There was a time when he used to shuffle only a little while walking. Now, it seemed as if life’s tiny defeats began to manifest themselves as invisible weights that he was burdened with carrying.

If his posture over the last twenty years had been photographed daily and assembled into some sort of cruel flip book, it would illustrate a man whose head appeared to be gradually compressing into his pelvis. His carriage had become such a crass comedic sketch of defeated human movement that even the most pedestrian analyst of body language would handily conclude that this was a man who was severely lacking in confidence.

Lack of confidence implies that a person is deficient in only a small complement of the components of the human soul. Someone lacking in confidence needs a small corrective push to set them right.

The withering of Peter’s abilities ran to nearly every aspect of his personality. He had devolved into a primeval human, operating mainly on cerebellar and other lower brainstem functions, which allowed him basic motor and ritualized communication skills. He also retained some of the functions of memory and inhibition, but only those that were absolutely necessary for day-to-day existence.

Lack of confidence didn’t even begin to describe the servile idleness of Peter’s personality.

Clearly he was still capable of movement and speech, and he was responsive to most stimuli but over time he had unwittingly shut down the parts of himself that we tend to associate with the most beautiful bits of humanity.

The less you feel, the less you feel angry, sad or lonely.

The people around him failed to notice that they were talking not to a man at all but to a hollow shell; a crude impersonation of a man. Some of them were similarly hollow, if not perhaps to the same extent as Peter. The rest of them were too busy to notice.

“You’ll like Peter, everyone likes him! He’s really pleasant and quiet. A real team player!”

When the pulp and paper mill opened, he was hired as part of the implementation team. He had just graduated from university and naturally, he was looking to be involved in a project that would provide a good opportunity to learn his craft. Helping to implement the mill allowed Peter the opportunity to apply in practice much of the theory he had learned in university.

Automatic controllers had to be tuned so that the mill would process the rough wood into paper as smoothly and efficiently as possible with minimal human intervention. The roles of the mill operators had to be defined so that they could work well together as a team. There was a great deal of problem solving and teamwork among the management, and it was a very exciting time for Peter. And at the end, perfect reams of paper rolled out of gargantuan reels in an unending automatic river.

At the conclusion of his workday, Peter would stand at the end of the paper mill and watch the paper roll out. Its perfection made him well up with pride.

In conversation, and with perfect honesty, he would liken his job to that of an artist painting his first masterwork and later, a ballet director ensuring the various dancers in his performance moved together in perfect harmony.

He didn’t mind the rotten egg smell so much; the work was exciting, and eventually you don’t even notice it. You habituate.

As the years passed, however, the bulwarks that were the creative challenge of his job were eventually flooded by a rising tide of mundanity.

He still stood at the end of the mill on a daily basis, but for no other reason than the fact that he had done it every work day for fifteen years.

Since he was so consumed by his job in his youth, Peter made little effort to engage the outside world during his spare time, preferring to spend quiet evenings alone at home with the television and a drink. Sometimes, he’d bring some work home with him.

His job didn’t settle into routine instantly; inertia rarely sets in quickly.

Exciting late-night planning sessions transmogrified into menial daily data entry.

The tantalizing challenge of determining unknown operating parameters inevitably became a predictable series of cause and effect relationships. When output A is high, turn dial B down to 65%.

Now, he’d sometimes bring some papers home with him, but these papers were never of any importance or interest to Peter, lacking as he was in the ability to be interested in anything. Recently, he’d been collecting all the product manuals and trade publications that came across his desk and bringing them home simply due to a general paper-carrying reflex. He had a pile in his living room of over ten thousand seperate bundles of such information. All of it remained unread.

Sometimes, he would lose his footing on the pile because haphazardly stacked glossy magazines provide very poor traction. When that happened, he’d usually just fall asleep right there on his living room floor.

Eventually, every task associated with his job was procedurized and before he knew it, Peter was no longer painting a canvas or directing a ballet. Now, he was simply a fleshy link in an impenetrable machine.

Peter’s nightly drink became a few nightly drinks and ultimately a nightly cascade of booze.

Eventually, he didn’t even need the television.

Eventually, he would just sit at the kitchen table staring at the wall and drink himself unconscious.

Doodlebops Undergo Lineup Change

2008-12-24T08:11:00.000-08:00

Could there be problems in the sunny, psychotropic world of the Doodlebops?

At first glance, the advertisement for their current tour seems to connote happiness and goodwill. However, lurking in the fine print is something far more cynical:

It is widely agreed that the entire Doodlebops catalog is unquestionably rockin'. From barn burners such as "Hey, we're the Doodlebops!" to the pulse-pounding immediacy of "Let's Get on the Bus", this venerable Canadian trio has constantly reinvented itself and has succeeded in remaining relevant among the notoriously fickle and discerning "under-5 years of age" demographic, even breaking into the lucrative American childrens' music market.

Have the Doodlebops gone too far in reinventing themselves this time? Replacing the entire original lineup of the band may be too extreme a move for some die-hard fans to handle. Granted, bands like Whitesnake continue to thrive with only one remaining original member but replacing the entire original lineup of a band in one fell swoop is a virtually unprecedented move in modern music.

After all, it is surely not easy to find people talented enough to feign playing their instruments for about 15 seconds at the beginning of a song before launching into a full-on dance number for its remainder while a ghost band or a pre-recorded version of the song plays somewhere off-stage.

Persuant to attending the kick-off show on the Doodlebops' current tour, long-time Doodlebops fan and Senior Kindergardener Billy Hanson remarked, "While the Doodlebops have lost none of their signature on-stage energy, fake instrumentation or dancing ability, something seems to be missing from their music. I can't say for sure, but it may be the fact that they were dressed as black silhouettes instead of in their normal, brightly coloured costumes. It might be symbolic of their new, darker, material, which includes heart-wrenching numbers such as, 'Mommy and Daddy Don't Live Together Anymore' and 'What Do You Mean You Had the Dog Put Down?" Also, I think DeeDee Doodle might be a dude and Moe Doodle was clearly intoxicated. That's part of the mystique of rock and roll, though. Can I have a juice box now?"

Members of the Doodlebops camp remain tight-lipped about the lineup change. When asked to comment on the All-New, Rockin' Cast, Doodlebops bus driver Bus Driver Bob replied, "I just drive the bus, okay? We all know that what happens on a tour bus, stays on the tour bus."

Controversy of this magnitude hasn't surrounded the Doodlebops since their original debut, when members of the media were fed conflicting stories about the nature of the relationship of Rooney Doodle and DeeDee Doodle. Some were convinced that the two Doodles were divorced, while others were of the opinion that they were brother and sister. This whiff of scandalous incest helped to propel the Doodlebops to their current level of superstardom. When Moe Doodle turned out to be a pre-op transexual, it only added more momentum to the controversial juggernaut that is the Doodlebops. It is widely suspected that the lineup change may simply be yet another cynical marketing ploy.

For more information about the Doodlebops, visit Doodlebops.com

Pictures from shows

2008-12-22T05:16:00.000-08:00

Our friend Brandon Grey had his pictures from the Holly Springs Disaster show put in WGTS (we go to shows) online magazine:

Click Here

Some more pictures from that show taken by a man named Scott:

Click Here

Here are the pictures that I took of the Hoa Hoas and the Disrealis in Lightmares' garage:

Click here

The Punicher: Wrzone

2008-12-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

Today's guest writer is Jim Buckingham. Jim is a first year arts major at Laurentian University. His paper, "Deeper theme in Teh Punisher: Warzone>" was praised by his professor as "not entirely incoherent." Asked to comment in more detail, his professor, who declined to be named, stated, "I know it's sad, but this paper is the best of the crap that this class of fools handed in. I'm going to go commit suicide now." I'm going to hand my blog over to Jim now.

Yo, what up niggaz? This is Jim Buckingham Talkinz on the Interwebz lol! YO guess what happened last week? So, I was mad stressin' for this paper that I had to hand in for my first year philosophizzle class. So I goes to the movies to relax and me and Fat Billy smoke a huge gagger right before. We wanted to go see that "Homemade Pormo Movie" directed by that fat fag Kevin Smits, but we were so blasted we accidentally went to see The Punishster! lol! long story short, I am startin at the screen waiting to see some titties and what happens? Just head after head explodes now I was mad ripped but I am smarts and i figured out after a bit that I was watching the Punished.

Yo that movie had absolutely not tits or vag, but holy shit did it have shitloads of exploding heads! That shit was fuckin' awesome. I was cryin' right there in the theatre it was so awesome and Billy was like yo keep your sobbin' down its bad enough two dudes going to see a mive together and you gotta be crying but i just could not help it itwas to emotional!

So, billy and me just stay and watch the whole movie. Afterward, I was still high as fuck and I get on the bus and I am like SHIT SON I HAVE TO WRITE A PAPER FOR TOMORROW>! I was madd stressin dog! So I gets back to my dorm, hit the bong and I just get to writin' Something comes over me and bfore I know it, I got like two pages written!

Now there was no limit on how many pages we had to write so I was like shit son I am DONE! I looks at the clock and I had been writing for like four hours! The birds were outside chirpin and shit. I figure it's gotta be good because i have never written that much in my entire life andi guess it must have been good because my prefesser said it was the best in the class!

So, without a further dew, here it isL Peace out mah higgaz:

Deepr theme in Teh Punisher: Warzone>

by: Jim Buckingham
PHIL 1006: Introduction to Philosophy

The Punisher: Warzone may seem on the surface to be a mere action film, but upon closer inspection, very vrey deep themes indeed come to teh fore.

Hardship, loss, vengeance, anger, and many other themes are deeply rooted in the labyrinth and multiovarite story, much like the multi-levelled building in the final scene. It is filled with all manner of evil-dioers: Black Evil Doers, Chinese Evil-Doers, Punk Rock Evil Does, let your heart's content be the limit of the evil doers in this building. The building is symbolic of the many levels of evil coursing through the soul of mans. Whether the evil inside of you is of the Black, Chinese, or Punk Rock varietty, rest assured that there are many different types of evil in your veins.

It is this evil that threatens to take over the Punisher himself. He crosses the line once in the movie by accidentally killing an undercover police officer. As the policeman dies, the punisher looks into his jacket and finds a badge. The Punisher then escapes amidst a hail of gunfire, symbolizing of course his own guilt and desire to die. He has accomplished the exact opposite of what he wanted to by klling the pocliman. That is tragic and noevertheless human.

After killing the cop, the Punisher desices that it may be time to hang up the 'ol killin' guns. After all, he has created for the family of the man he killed the exact same dilemma that caused him to begin Punishing in the first placeL. As we all know, the Punisher was created when his family was killed by teh maphia/. He then begn a toi take vengeance unpon evil in all forms.

But, what happens when we become that things that we loathe most in the whole wide world?

The Punisher is so stricken with grief that he breaks down and cries. We find out later in the movie that the Punisher used to be very religious. However, I get the impression that he is no longer believes in God. And, in a world without God, all that is left is anarchy. In the abscence of God or decency, the Punisher has made himself into a God-like figure, passing judgement on the souls of mans.

Ultimately, the Punisher deciseds that he will kill the gangsters who are threatening to kill the dead policeman's wife and child. Kill or bne killed. Then, he will retire. It is clear that through this action, he hopes to make reparations for the pain he has caused the family by killing the family dad.

The Punisher often chooses to kill his victims in the most gruesome and awesome way possible. This is to make their deaths sympbolic of the way they lived theur lives: in gruesome.

For instance, At one point he blows a man up with an RPG missile. This sympobolizes the semi-permanence of man. One day you are there and the next day you are exploded in a steamy hail of roasted guts. This was both gruesome and awesome and it made me laugh a klittle.

Another time in the movie, the Punisher shoves the leg of a chair through the eyeball of a man, causing me to exclaim OH!". This symbolizes how the mundaneity of everyday existence can be more violent than war. Ask yourself What could be more mundane than a chair? the answer is nothing. Aks youreslf again what could be more violent than having a chair choved through your eyeball and into your barain? the Answer again, is clearly nothing". Everyday mandane existence is therefore more violent than war, which is clearly the hidden meaning of the title Punisher:Warzone, which does not in fact take place in a war zone, but turns everyday life into a war zone. It takes the warzome lurking beheath hte surface of every Day existense and exposes it, recuntaxtualizeing it as a living, breathing War Zeone.

Secondly, at another point in the movie, the Punisher decides to punch through the very face of a man, transforming it into nothing more than hamburger with ears. He does this with one swift blow. Much as God acts decisively, raining floods upon man throughout history without warning, so the Punisher acts decisively, raining a fist upon the face of a man and truning it into a flood of blood.

There is a main bad guy in the Punisher: Warson. His name is Jigsaw. Early in the film, the Punisher throws him into a glass recyccler, causing him to become horribly disfigured. If loss has caused the Punisher has become GOd, then Jigsaw's loss has caused him to become the devil, evil in carnate. He murders the plastic surgeon who reconstructed his faice even though the plastic surgeon did his best. I ask you what is more evil than killing someone who did their best?
c
The man who used to be Jigsaw lovced his faec so much. Now, with a busted ass face, what is he to do? The thing he loved most in the whole world, his face, was taken away from him. Much like the way that the punisher's family was taken from him. This show the duality of good and evil, and how sometimes thet are very similar. Both the Punisher and Jigsaw decide to murder but one of them is good and one is bad.

Much like the Devil has minions, so too does Jigsaw have minions. His brother whose nmae I cannot rememver is super crazy and can doo all kinds of marshall arts and etc. He smashes mirrors with his head just for fun.

This terrible twosome represents the idea that, as one's standards become lower, so to do the people we compare ourselves to to determine if we are still Good. It is only by comparing the Punisher with Jigsaw and his crazy brother that the Punisher still seems good. if we compare the Punisher to say, the Grate One Wayne Gretzky then the Punisher is evil.

Eventually, the Punisher prevails, killing many many many bad guys by exploding their heads. However, he ends up losing his friend who is played by that guys who played "Newman" on The Signfield's. He is forced to make a choice by Jigsaw to either let the wife of the dead cop and her daughter die or to let Newman die. Instead, the Punisher decided to take revenge by shooting Jigsaw. Then, Jigsaw shhoots Newman anyway. Thuis represxents the futility of trying amything. either way, Jigsaw had the Punisher in a Shanghai Surprise and there was no way out of it. Somethime we are forced to decide among many undesirable decisions. Such is the nature of life.

In the end, the Punisher decides to continue killing rogue bad guys. It is who he has become. Not only does he now view himself as God, but he also does not know what else to do. He has so much anger inside of him that will only be quenched by death. Is the Punisher evil? If he is, then you and I are equally evil, indulging in the mundanity of our daily existence. Much like the chair that the Punisher rammed through the eyeball of a bad guys, we are nothing more than inanimate objects, bristling along the winds of fate. Until we take charge of our own destinites, like the Punisher has, we will not be able to be more than a chair, and we will probably definitely never be Wayne Gretski.

Climbing the charts

2008-12-16T22:58:00.001-08:00

As you can see from this week's Earshot charts for CKLU, Meadowlark Lemon is in 13th spot, and the Birthday Cakes are in 3rd! Both gunnin' for that number one spot.

This Friday and Saturday

2008-12-12T06:52:00.000-08:00

Yo come to these shows. Look at all the work I put into making it look like my head and Jon's head were popping out of the poster. Also, look at how the smoke in the Holly Springs Disaster poster looks like two people making out! At least you should come to one of these shows. Also, check out the interview I did with the Sudbury Star:

Click here dummy!

BandNameMaker.com

2008-12-03T14:09:00.000-08:00

http://www.bandnamemaker.com/ is a website that I found that automatically generates band names. Good for a few larfs! Let me know about any particularly good ones.

Neon Bible

2008-12-03T03:31:00.000-08:00

I listened to the Arcade Fire's second album last night with my eyes closed. What an incredible album! I already knew that I loved this album, but I haven't ever enjoyed listening to it as much as I did last night. There's a ton of lush instrumentation going on and everything fits together incredibly well.

I rarely listen to music alone. I usually just put it on while I'm in the middle of doing something else. But really, when an artist creates something, they expect that you will appreciate it with undivided attention. As a result I don't think I've felt the complete emotional resonance of this album until last night.

I haven't played Neon Bible since it came out, but I was reading "Popless Week 2" on avclulb.com, and was inspired to listen to it.

Popless just recently concluded. It was a series of editorials where the author, Noel Murray, stopped listening to new music for an entire year and only listened to the catalogue of music on his iPod, in alphabetical order, removing stuff he feels is redundant or that he won't listen to.

I would like to condense the amount of music on my iPod, but every time I try to delete something I can't bring myself to do it. I keep wondering if I'm about to delete an album that I'll end up coming to appreciate in the future even though I don't like it right now. As a result, I have about 45 gigabytes of music, much of which I will never listen to. Do I really need 500 Sam Cooke songs? Definitely not, but which 25 do I keep? There are 500 to choose from! The problem is, 500 songs is too much for me to listen to so I don't listen to any of it.

Remember: Friday the 5th

2008-12-02T04:48:00.000-08:00

This concert will be a fun time. For realsies. There will be food and drinks! We even got coverage in the Sudbury Star.

Also, check this out. The Birthday Cakes are number 16 on the top 30 on CKLU!

I hear there's lots of snow in Sudbury therefore it is time to SHRED! I leave the mine tomorrow and will get back to Sudburytown on the 4th. I am looking forward to two solid weeks of playing music and snowboarding.

A man by definition only

2008-11-30T18:09:00.000-08:00

Peter had been listening to the millwrights tell stories like this for the last 15 years.

Sure, specific millwrights retired, left to work at other mills, new ones were hired, but their persistent awe over supernatural events endured.

If Pete had mustered the will to think about it, he'd have realized that he and Donnie were the two most senior employees sitting around the lunch table at that moment, and that there wasn't a single millwright other than Donnie who remained from when Peter had begun working there. It seemed to Peter that these millwrights had always been there and would always be there. This wasn't some commentary on Peter's part about how attitudes and sentiments often become worn into the walls of a building; he just quite simply never gave the millwrights much consideration as individuals. To him, they were a permanent fixture, called "Millwrights", not a group of individual millwrights as such.

Peter had stopped arguing with the Millwrights long ago. In fact, he hadn't argued with anyone in a very long time. Other people considered him to be an extremely agreeable person. The truth was, Peter was basically a piece of human dandelion fluff. Floating along on the currents of others' opinions until another current came along and carried him off in a different direction, he differed from our metaphorical piece of fluff in that eventually the fluff must settle and take root. Peter just kept floating, as if immune to the effects of metaphorical gravity.

He took a bite of his egg salad sandwich, slowly chewing it into a saliva, white bread and egg salad admixture. He added a little grape juice to the sandwich paste in an unconscious attempt to loosen its grip on the roof of his mouth. If he had stopped to think about it, he would have realized that he'd been eating egg salad sandwiches for lunch every single day for 15 years. It didn't occur to him whether he liked egg salad or not.

"Call it a ladder or a pyramid or whatever man, you can call getting fucked in the arse a goddamn flower but you're still gonna be fuckin' bleedin' out the ass! Haha har!" A pulse of sudden laughter startled Peter. Even Ryan laughed enthusiastically.

Eyes focused intently on the clock, waiting for 12:30 to arrive, Peter's mind was a prism. Stimuli would enter and rattle around, maybe trigger a few synapses sparking unwilled, atrophied memories, and then escape. The memories would then settle down into the dust, unexamined. As he watched the second hand trace its path around the circle, he tried to think of something to say but couldn't. Instead, he swallowed the thoroughly chewed bite of sandwich and took a deep breath. If anyone was paying attention, it would have sounded like a sigh.

He used to find the millwrights' conversations silly.

Like most people, he considered himself a spiritual person, if not particularly religious. In fact, he didn't subscribe to any particular religious ideology, but for some reason, he was convinced something was out there. At least he thought he was convinced of that.

Once he had come to the hazy conclusion that there was "something out there", he just kind of stopped thinking about his spirituality, and it immediately coalesced into a solid ball and precipitated out of the solution of his thoughts. Now, it existed somewhere at the base of his mind, a stalagmite rising out of the depths upon which he could occasionally (when absolutely necessary) prick his finger and quickly explain the feeling of it's salty sting.

Fortunately, most people were not particularly interested in probing the depths of their own spirituality, let alone his, which prevented him from having to bring his full weight to bear on its pointy cone, which would entail either impaling himself on its calcified inadequacy or crushing it underfoot.

So, the last time he thought about it he was spiritual not religious, but all these conversations about ghosts and herbal remedies and African Shamans and whatever? Those he had long ago filed away under "foolish superstition", and he placed a note on the file that said, "Do not trust millwrights about anything other than purely technical issues." He had to concede that the millwrights had an intimate physical knowledge of all things technical, even if they couldn't explain it in scientific terms. He'd been operating under these conditions without issue for approximately twelve years.

When he was younger, he was jealous of the millwrights' camaraderie. It reminded him of his days in University; the engineers were a similarly fraternal group. Each year they would haze the freshmen students, thus permanently stamping them as part of the fraternity.

We are we are we are we are we are the Engineers/
We can we can we can we can we can drink forty beers...

was as much of the hazing song as Peter could recall. The freshmen would have their whole bodies died fluorescent red and the seniors would get them drunk and parade them around the school in their underwear. It was a great way to bond with your classmates and the incoming students.

At least that's what Peter had come to believe by the time he graduated. Were he to think back a little further, he'd remember the sweaty humiliation he felt as a shy freshman, intimidated by the smiling men who were forcing him into a tub of dye. He would remember how he repeatedly vomited from being forced to drink so much, only to be forced to drink more. He would have remembered the laughter that seemed so much like scorn and derision; like captors gloating about the power they held over their prisoners. He would remember how he missed the entire week of classes after that, confining himself to his room out of mortification.

It was a shame his alma mater had disallowed the ritual.
Tradition is important.

But our stance on things often depends on when in our history we experience them, and time has a way of washing out the vibrant fluorescent reds of embarrassment into rosy pinks. The perceived scorn in a laugh gets transmuted to euphoric support. Forcible consumption of near-poisonous amounts of alcohol becomes the best night of your life.

The fire of youth gradually burns more slowly until, as in Peter's case, it is all but extinguished. Although, it was not as if Peter's life had ever been a five alarm warehouse fire. At most, it was more akin to an amateurish, poplar-fed camp fire. More smoke than flame. A source of annoyance, not comfort. Begging to be put out.

My Trip to New York

2008-11-28T14:08:00.000-08:00

I was looking through my photobucket album of my trip to New York, and I found this picture:

It's a picture of this guy that I took while I was at the Yankees game. Even though I got about 5 million shots of the game itself, this is my favourite shot. I just kind of stealthily caught this Boston fan who looked like pretty much the saddest sack on the planet. I can remember laughing at the picture while I was taking it. If someone out there knows this guy, please give him a hug.

Hmmm...I may as well make a post about my trip to New York even though it took place six months ago.

I also got this picture of a totally sweet van:

This van incorporates unicorns, naked chicks, cyborgs, hearts, rainbows, flames, flowers, winged lazer archers and rolling fields into one awesometastic, seizure-riffic collage. It also has a spoiler. Goddamn, this van fuckin' rules! It's like Prince had sex with a Ford Econoline and the resulting offspring spent it's adolescence reading Heavy Metal comics and doing LSD in the ball pit at McDonald's.

This is a picture of my friend Chris Cornell in the one hotel bathrobe we had and his brand new hat:

I saw Sonic Youth in Battery Park. I was too late to catch the Feelies. I climbed a tree and security came and told me to get down. When I didn't, the cops came. Then I got down. Here is a picture of the security guard:

At one point in the show, Kim Gordon just started spinning around in circles. Here's a picture of that:

Kim Gordon looked kind of hot from where I was. In real life, she was a lot less blurry. Does anyone know if Kim Gordon is hot? Blake said that she isn't and that she is just old now. Also, I liked Sonic Youth a lot live. I listened to their album Dirty the other day and it was really good!

I took a shitload of pictures of squirrels and birds in Central Park while I was trying to figure out how to work my camera. Here's a squirrel:

It got really hot in the back of the van on the trip to NY and Chris and Blake were sitting back there. Eventually they just took their shirts off. The giant piece of plywood that divides the front of my van from the back made them look like a couple of caged animals. Which, essentially, they were.

OMG! You thought it was hot in the van, it just got HOTT up in this BLOG!

There was this giant Eddie Murphy head in the middle of Times Square that had to do with the most recent Eddie Murphy movie where Eddie Murphy and Eddie Murphy Murph Murph a Mo. Much like the actual Eddie Murphy, it was completely hollow on the inside:

This is Sherlyn, whom I met in the line to go to the top of the Empire State Building. The top of the Empire State builing is BORING! Sheralyn is from Signapore. She has a blog that you can read here.

I work with this guy

2008-11-27T08:10:00.000-08:00

Here at the mine, I work with this guy, let's call him Jim. Jim is basically the most disgusting human being I've ever met. Every day at lunch, he gives me shit for "wasting" the egg yolks of my hard-boiled eggs. (I don't eat the yolks). In the meantime, he wastes as little food as possible by marching an endless parade of pastries and cookies into his feed hole. He weighs about 300 pounds and he is about 5'5. He also eats carrot and celery sticks, but only if they are covered in Cheez Whiz.

He looks like a down-on-his-luck Mr. Belvedere with face lesions and smells like rotten milk.

"Mr. Belvedere, now with face lesions! All the moustachioed fatness of Classic Belvedere with 100% more slime and built-in 'OH MY GOD STOP TALKING'!"

Jimmy makes the worst jokes. He is constantly telling jokes that no one laughs at. Just yesterday, One of the millwrights tried to poke fun at another millwright by saying, "Hey, how did you get so dirty? It can't have been from doin' work!" Everyone had a nice little chuckle.

Then, Jim pipes in, in a very loud voice, "HE SHIT ALL OVER HIMSELF!" the crew is hushed immediately, a pall of sympathy embarassment falling over them. Then, I started laughing about 20 seconds later after I realized how hilarious the whole situation was.

Honestly, this happens every single day. You'd think that the guy would change his joke strategy, but it's like he's caught in this spider web of terrible jokes and he's just flailing around, tearing pieces of terrible jokes off and tossing them at anyone who is nearby, trying to get them to grab on. No one ever does though because they know that if they do, they won't be able to help him; they'll just get pulled into the same horrible web with 'ol Jimmy and then they'll have to sit there and listen to his terrible jokes and smell his curdled milk musk.

And he's always licking his fucking fingers. GET A NAPKIN YOU SICK FUCK! Watching those little breakfast sausage fingers of his popping in and out of his mouth with an audible popping noise while he breathes heavily through his nose from the exertion is so incredibly unsettling that it must be art.

Sometimes I wonder if Jim has ever had sex. The image of him steamrolling some greasy tramp is disgusting, but every once in a while (actually, usually) one of his jokes will be of a sexual nature. Then, I invariably associate Jim with sex and begin to wonder about him having sex. I hate him for making me picture him having sex.

So anyway, lunch is in about 30 minutes and I'm going to start steeling myself for another half hour of Jim's sick grossness.

ourlu.com/

2008-11-26T12:59:00.000-08:00

ourlu.com is a site created by Laurentian University Neuroscience students to chronicle the difficulties they've been facing with the Laurentian University administration.

From shutting down and subsequently privatizing the animal research at Laurentian, to trying to block Neuroscience students from enrolling in the master's program based on financial criteria, the University is basically acting like one giant cock.

It really, honest-to-goodness outrages me to see how my friends in the Neuroscience department have been treated by the University administration. This isn't some tongue-in-cheek Aerosmith outrage, I am fucking pissed, and you should be too.

The only reason the University is acting in this cowardly and underhanded manner is to try and oust Dr. Michael Persinger. As I see it, the reasons are two-fold: monetary (his research does not attract fat grants and his space could be used to house other researchers who bring in more money), and political (challenging the very basis of our beliefs in God does not sit well with most people).

Honest to God, I feel like I would fucking punch the University administration right in their fat smiling faces if they were in front of me.

So please, visit this site and read for yourself what a bunch of assholes Laurentian University officials can be:

ourlu.com

thepacooperative.org

2008-11-25T07:04:00.000-08:00

The PA cooperative is a venture that is near and dear to my heart. Frank Chartrand (owner of Smallchange inc., the Realness Promo and erstwhile custodian of the Sudbury message board punksud.net) and I have purchased a full vocal PA together with technological advice and assistance from Townehouse soundman Luke Sellen.

We plan to offer use of this PA to Sudburians for the low price of $100. The cost of renting a decent PA is presently far too prohibitive and acts as a detriment to organizing all-ages shows. This cooperative will change all that.

Frank and I will be organizing a fundraiser show on Saturday, January 24th to try and recoup some of the costs of putting this PA together. After we have made our money back, we will re-invest the PA rental fees back into maintaining and upgrading the PA.

If all goes as planned, we hope to secure a permanent all-ages venue in Sudbury with the proceeds of the PA Cooperative.

Check out the website at www.thepacooperative.org

I wish I was American

2008-11-23T13:01:00.000-08:00

I wish I was American so I could get a free Dr. Pepper. I love Dr. Pepper. Guns 'N Roses, I don't really like that much, but I love Dr. Pepper. Tasting the delicious blend of 23 special ingredients on the soil of the Greatest Nation on Earth without paying a cent would be a dream come true. An American Dream, if you will.

O, how I long to gorge myself at the sweet brown teat of the good Doctor Pepper Certified M.D.

I imagine a Guns 'N Roses soft drink would taste more like a cigarette butt that someone extinguished in a beer bottle filled with urine. Maybe it would have slight overtones of Used Condom and Tiger Blood.

Why don't Canadian companies put on awesome promotions like this? Why can't the Powerful and Influential Hudson's Bay Company exhibit the same sort of generosity and give a free tobacco plant or stylish beaver pelt to every Joe 28-Pack and Jane Hockey Puck in Canada if the Queen finally gives us the right to select our own field of employment?

How much sweeter will it be once you can finally quit your Imperially-Legislated job sanding off the sharp edges from sheets of paper, and use your Ph.D in Molecular Biology for it's intended purpose? (Which is of course achieving outsize grants for highly speculative research that never comes to fruition and allows you to attain tenure for the duration of your career).

Imagine if you will, my fellow Canadians: a solitary, sturdy tobacco plant flourishing on the 50 acres of dusty, barren farmland that is every Canadian's birthright. Properly pollinated, this one tobacco plant can handily reproduce to fill up your entire property. Before long, the Profits will start rolling in and you will have the most well-appointed Peat Hut or Igloo in the entire Dominion of Canada!

Or, imagine ye the possibilities of owning your very own beaver pelt! You could fashion some sort of Beaver-Based hat out of it. It would finally protect your ears and proud Canadian forehead from the constant, unforgiving, soul-crushing cold weather. It could act as camouflage from the various Unseen Wild Beasts that populate the many dark forests of this Great Dominion. It could be traded with the various Indiginous Peoples for some magick tea that may help cure your persistant Scurvy! (Though be wary, for the Savages of this great land are quite unfathomable, and they may try and poison you. If you have recently raped or killed a Wylde Savage, it is best not to approach another Savage for help. For some reason they take great offense to this.)

Alternatively, if ye can smuggle yourself aboard a sturdy vess'l back to the motherland or comandeer a team of Dogs of the Sleigh Across the Mythickal and Frozen Bering Strait, you may be able to trade with a Genteel Englishe Man for a square meal of four Ruttabeggas, a pint of stout, and consideration for a permanent position in his employ as an endentured bootblack!

At any rate, you would no longer have to face the harsh climate of this Inhospitable Hell wearing only a tunic crafted from the Bark of the Birch and the Ivy Poison.

But enough about the inadequacies of the Hudson's Bay Company. Their corruption is well documented and one day our prayers will be answered and the CEO of the company, Prince Rupert of the Rhine, will be struck in his cold, black heart by the very Hand of God, warming it to the pitiful plight of Canadians or at least leaving it Seized and Spastick.

HOW DARE YOU STAND THERE JAUNTILY WHILE CANADIANS VERILY STARVE EVERY DAY!!?!? PRINCE RUPERT YOU FILTHY SOW I SHALL NEVER PLEDGE MY ALLEGIANCE TO YOUR UNHOLY QUEEN SO LONG AS THE FACULTIES OF MY TWO BRAINS ARE FUNCTIONING!!!!

Moving on, I never quite understood the appeal of Guns 'N Roses. I always figured it would be something everyone would grow out of, the same way they grew out of Limp Bizkit. Axl Rose's plaintive wailing never touched a chord with me, and I remain unmoved by their uninventive songwriting. I don't care what an amazing guitarist Slash is; I am unimpressed by their bombastic, bloated songs. To me, it just recalls late-period Aerosmith, which sounds exactly like Jaleel White yodelling into the cone of a gramophone while the needle tracks on an Extra Large Domino's Pizza with anchovies and Carrot Top slowly disembowels Jaleel White with safety scissors.

Did somebody say Aeorsmith? chchch gow gow yeah!

No, get out of my blog Steven Tyler, you old queen, nobody wants you!

Ieieieie have nothing to live for. I'm going to go tie a scarf around something now chchch gow gow! YEAH...

Plus, I always thought that they could spell their name with a bunch of Zs instead of Ss, and it wouldn't affect their fans' views on their artistic integrity. Not a good sign. BEHOLD:

GUNZ 'N ROZEZ

Their new album is getting teriffic reviews. Should I give GNR another chance? Anything that took 15 years to make deserves a listen, I guess. From what I've read, it's even more unapologetically overwrought than their previous work, but what the hell. Sometimes you just need to keep cranking that knob to find the right balance. Sometimes, just sometimes, THE BALANCE EXISTS AT 10, MOTHERFUCKER! RAWK OUT WITH MAH CAWK OUT! THE BALANCE EXISTS ON THE EDGE WHERE THERE IS NO BALANCE!!!!

It's the same thing with Van Halen. For some reason they are considered Great, but I hate every Van Halen song I've ever heard. From Eddie Van Halen's endless masturbatory guitar noodling to David Lee Roth's winking slimy powerfaggery, I hate it all. I don't think a Van Halen song could be recontextualized into something I would like. Who gives a shit if Van Halen can tear ass all over a fretboard? It just sounds even more like a bag of screeching cats.

David Lee Roth invents powerfaggery

RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE A POWERFAG!

Rejoice!

2008-11-22T08:16:00.000-08:00

The Royal Canadian Air Farce is finally going off the air! This show hasn't been funny since...well, it's never been funny.

Unfortunately, people who want to hear the exact same terrible jokes every week will now have to find other means of entertaining themselves. Considering the fact that Airfarce's idea of "Entertainment" is roughly equivalent to Civilization at Large's idea of "Legalized Torture", it shouldn't be too hard to entertain these people.

Hey, CBC, I have an idea for a replacement show for "Air Farce" that is so close to how watching the show makes me feel, I doubt ardent fans will even notice its absence. It's called, "Five Minutes of Administering Electrical Shocks to Your Genetalia, Followed by a Commercial for Advil. Repeat for 30 Minutes."

The only real reason to watch Air Farce voluntarily is if you want to feel sympathy embarrassment for 30 solid minutes. Once, I even saw a skit that attempted to parody Dharma and Greg using the exact same setup from an episode of Family Guy. The fact that Air Farce stole from Family Guy puts into perspective exactly how tactless and vulgar this show is (was). Air Farce is a scourge on the souls of the people of our great nation.

The skits on Air Farce were usually so terrible that I sometimes wondered if the fact that the skits were terrible was actually the purpose of the comedy in the show. Viewed as a satire of sketch comedy, this show is hilarious and brilliant. Unfortunately, it is not a satire and thus the show is boneheaded and pathetic.

So, I say to you, Air Farce: good riddance and may there never be re-runs of your terrible episodes.

Now, there remains only one more cancerous tumour to be excised: "This hour Has 22 Minutes". Considering how incredibly funny this show was at one time, it is a tragedy that it's bloated, rotting corpse continues to be raped year after year by a cast of foolish clowns. It is now obviously laugh tracked, and it has turned into the same sort of dead-eyed, uninspired "humorous commentary" that it used to mock in many of it's skits.

Also, "Mercer Report", I'm putting you on notice. Don't think I can't tell you're not actually telling good jokes. All the wry, knowing smiles in the world can't cover up the complete lack of inspiration in the writing of your show.

Rick Mercer, you have sacrificed your acerbic wit and ability to violently skewer the political elite of this country for the opportunity to hobnob with them, which is not funny. Your attempts to humanize our politicians are stupid and misguided. We all know politicians are inhuman monsters, and no amount of skinny dipping with Bob Rae is going to change our minds of that fact. If anything, seeing his terrific nude affinity for the water will only give us more reason to suspect that he is an amphibious frog man.

Stop trying to make a difference, Rick Mercer. Your misguided mission to convince Canadians that their politicians are something other than unholy beasts is futile.

Canadians are smart. We know that undeneath those poorly conceived human skins of theirs, Canadian politicians are nothing more than formless, cannibalistic blobs or worse, an amalgam of killer bees, pooling their single ganglion of intelligence into a super brain that no human man can rival for cleverness and insectile ruthlessness.

Why do you think voter turnout was so low in the last election? When the only choice we have is between "Sadistic Cyborg" and "Supernatural Papier Mache Tyrannosaurus Rex", well sir, that's not a choice voters are keen on making. (Although, unlike 50% of you lazy bums, I did my civic duty and voted for Sadistic Cyborg. I liked his economic policies.)

Tickets

2008-11-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

I just bought (okay, my mom actually bought them) plane tickets for Cameron, Carter and I to go to BC this February to, as they say, "Shred the Gnar". For all you non-shreds, that means snowboarding. Can you say, "Best Reading Week Ever"?

If you can't, then you should go to speech therapy.

So, this means that I have three months to get into good enough shape to snowboard for eight hours a day, five days in a row.

My mission to get into totally excellent shape starts tomorrow.

I realize that not everyone likes snowboarding as much as I do, and that is why you are pussies.

Weather Report

2008-11-20T08:49:00.000-08:00

Holy cripes it's cold here! There's about 25 cm of snow on the ground. It's just about lunch time. Yum, cheese sandwich!

A couple of months ago

2008-11-18T22:32:00.000-08:00

A couple of months ago, I was running quite steadily up at the mine. I brought Cameron's running shoes with me once because I forgot mine, and as it turned out they were about a size too small for me.

Goshdarnit if I didn't run in those dadgum shoes anyway. As it turns out, I also had no nail clippers up at the mine for those two weeks, and as I ran, the toes of the shoes pulled up at the nail on the big toe of my left foot.

Needless to say, eventually the nail turned yellow and then brown.

A couple of months have passed, and the nail has remained the same colour.

Last night, while I was watching Hellboy 2 on my computer, I attempted to scratch my right foot with my left toe, and consarnit if that brown nail didn't just about tear clean off.

It wasn't as painful as you might imagine, it was just unsettling looking underneath something that isn't supposed to be looked underneath.

Underneath, it was pink and there was a little prehensile nail growing in to usurp the position of the existing nail.

So, I pushed the existing nail back down. It is still attached to the cuticle on the right side of my left toe.

As of now, my plan of action is basically to continue to push down the old nail until the new nail grows big and strong enough to take its place. Should circumstances call for it, I may consider more drastic measures ranging from gluing the existing nail back onto my foot to actually cutting it off. (the nail I mean, not the foot).

Is there a large brown toenail fairy?

Do you have any idea how scary it is to feel you entire toenail come off without warning?

posters and james bond

2008-11-18T21:40:00.000-08:00

I went to see the James Bond movie tonight with my dad and my brothers. I found it very hard to follow. The action scenes were super sweet though.

Jon and I posted a new song from the upcoming Meadowlark Lemon album, "Twists", on our myspace:

Click here

Here are some posters for upcoming shows that my bands are playing:

Bass Fishing Video Games

2008-11-16T08:11:00.001-08:00

My mom's friend gave her a whole stack of old microsoft PC video games. They are all pretty crappy but the one that really caught my eye is Microsoft Pro Bass Fisherman.

I have no idea why such games are in existence. I've been fishing. It is boring as hell. Video games are supposed to be the sweet shot of morphine that diverts our attention from the gaping wound that is day to day life. Bass fishing games are not morphine. They are a salt coated dildo being jammed into that self-same wound with utter carelessness.

Anyway, the Neuroscience show went really well. We had a pretty good turnout, and all the bands played great! And I say that with complete humility considering I played in three of the five bands. We didn't get the EEG up and running during the Birthday Cakes' set unfortunately, but we did have some good videos on brain dissection and I think everyone had a good time. Our friend Brandon Grey took the following pictures of the Birthday Cakes. (Thanks Bran!):

Click Here

The next one will be the BA Johnston/HotKid/Bunnies in Berlin/Birthday Cakes show, which will be at the Adanac Ski hill shack at 5 PM on Dec. 5th.

Then, on Dec. 13th, the Birthday Cakes will be opening for Rabbit Transit, Upheavel of an Excorcist, and the Holly Springs Disaster at the Jubilee Centre at 6 PM because we are heavy as fuck.

That same night, Dec. 13th, Meadowlark Lemon will be holding our CD release at the Townehouse featuring Matthew de Zoete. We will be preforming the songs from our album with a full band, and we will then do a whole set of our new noise rock material.

I've been

2008-11-13T09:14:00.001-08:00

I've been very busy lately.

Looking at bringing Buckets of up here again in the New Year as well as Ancestors and Lunchmeat.

Show's on Saturday at 6 at Myths & Mirrors. Looks like we're going to have a presentation about the neuroscience group, prizes, food, and during the Birthday Cakes' set, someone will be hooked up to an EEG machine and their brainwaves projected onto a nearby screen.

I have to design a poster for the Meadowlark CD release next month.

the Hellbound Chainsaws

2008-11-09T08:05:00.000-08:00

I preparation for the show next Saturday at Myths & Mirrors, here is a song by the Hellbound Chainsaws:

Seventeen Stone

Today

2008-11-08T07:28:00.000-08:00

Meadowlark and the Birthday Cakes played a really fun gig at the LU pub last night with Life Blown Open. Their sound has gotten way tighter without me in the band to mess it up, and their songs are more ambitious than ever.

Today is the pizza party at Ridgecrest. I just ordered 20 pizzas from Toppers so you better be there. There will be pepperoni and vegetarian.

Dear Americans,

2008-11-04T11:38:00.000-08:00

I don't want to put too much pressure on you, but the fate of your country (and the world) will be decided by this election.

But not really.

Once the lusty sheen of your fresh-out-of-the-box president wears off in a couple of months, your life will likely proceed much as it has before.

This isn't a pessimistic viewpoint. It takes a long time for positive change to take effect. Apparently, it doesn't take as long to destroy things.

It's all pretty exciting anyways.

Overheard on the way back to camp

2008-11-02T15:16:00.000-08:00

Where I work, we have a program where, if your supervisor notices you doing an act of safety, they give you a scratch and win card. Three young employees were discussing the program on their way back to camp today.

"You know, whether you win or not, the ballot gets put into another draw at the end of the year for $5,000, and again in another draw company wide for a fuckin' $25,000 trip or something."

"Fuck, I'd just take the money and go on my own trip. In my basement. With drugs."

Overheard at lunch

2008-11-01T10:13:00.000-07:00

"Lou doesn't know his fuckin' head from his ass. When you look at him you can tell he doesn't know whether to fart or cough."

You can buy albums & T-shirts

2008-11-01T07:32:00.000-07:00

If you're from Sudbury, you can buy the Birthday Cakes album from Records on Wheels downtown, CD Plus in the south end, or Cosmic Dave's in the Donovan. You can also buy Birthday Cakes and Meadowlark Lemon T-shirts at Cosmic Dave's.

If you live in North Bay, you can buy Birthday Cakes albums at CD Plus in the Northgate Shopping Centre.

while learning = true do learn

2008-10-31T12:36:00.000-07:00

This cartoon was in the paper today and it forced my thought process into an endless recursive loop. I started thinking about learning how to learn, then I wondered about learning how to learn how to learn and so on.

Such is the philosophical genius of Bill Keane.

Sat. Nov. 15th @ Myths & Mirrors

2008-10-30T14:59:00.000-07:00

On Saturday, Nov. 15th, I am helping the Neuroscience Department at Laurentian University to put on a show at Myths and Mirrors. The purpose is to raise funds for their legal defence. It will be $5. Bands will be the Birthday Cakes, Hellbound Chainsaws, Bunnies in Berlin, Herd of One and Watchamacollit Posse.

There will also be other activities related to discussing the issues facing the neuroscience department and some information about your brain.

I am pretty excited as this will be the first time the Hellbound Chainsaws have ever performed in public.

Hello my name is Boner

2008-10-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

I just found out that Bono's real name is Paul Hewson thanks to this article, which features pictures of him posing on a sofa with two 19-year old girls and his zucchini-headed friend Simon Carmody.

Of course this means that now is the time to make up jokes about the similarity of Bono's name to the word "boner".

It had never occurred to me prior to today that Bono had made up his own name. I guess I just always figured that he had emerged fully grown from a magical hot spring in northern Ireland, with all of the talents necessary save our souls through over-emotive warbling.

I think what I'm trying to say is that I always thought Bono was the human manifestation of a timeless deity known as "Bonovah", who had been watching Man for all of Bonoternity, and had finally come to Earth to prevent the Bonopocalypse (Bonocalypse?).

We can't really blame Bono for all of this. The youth of today are listless and apathetic. In order to get them interested in global issues like poverty and climate change, sometimes you have to get them wasted and bang them in the engine room of your yacht. Bono is, as always, a man of the people. (By "A Man of The" I mean "trying to intoxicate for the purposes of seduction". And by "People" I mean "19-year-old girls").

In fact, Bono was overheard saying, "In times like these, global poverty is becoming an ever-important issue. Therefore, it is the duty of every man, woman and child to TOTALLY PARTY DOWN. Come on girls, let's go do some Jager bombs on Uncle Bono's Yacht! Who wants a piggy back ride?"

At press time, Bono was still trying to negotiate with one of the girls for the release of his sunglasses. While Bono conceded that the sunglasses looked better on her then they did on him, he nonetheless contended "Would you please just give them back to me? I don't want you to break them." The girl, Andrea Feick, retorted, "Aw, jusht let me wear them a little while longer Boner...PFFFT! I mean Bono. HAHA, I said "longer boner"! Oh God I am so wasted...[hic!]" She then proceded to stagger drunkenly in a rightward direction and proposed that they all go
for a swim.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey girls, who wants to hear a 25-minute Acapella version of the sweetest thing? Ahem...Ohohoh, the Sweetest Thing...Ohohoh, the Sweetest Thing...Ohohoh, the Sweetest Thing..."
-------------------------------------------------------------------

The whereabouts of Bono's trademark Cuban-style hat remain unknown. When asked about it, he replied, "Andrea just kind of took it off my head and was wearing it around. She said she'd give it right back. Oh man, I hope it's not lost. I mean, I don't want to freak out and ruin a good thing here, but it's like...it's my fucking hat, you know?

EXTRA EXTRA

2008-10-28T13:26:00.000-07:00

LAME has been added to the bill on Nov. 8th for the "Buckets of" show.

Can you believe it?

2008-10-28T05:10:00.000-07:00

It's snowing up here at the mine and it's helluva cold outside and super windy.

I've been watching scary movies at night because that's all that is on TV. I watched room 1408 with John Cusack the other night. What a terrible movie. Let me give you the synopsis (Spoiler Alert!):

La dee da, I'm a writer who used to be good but now I write about haunted houses and I don't give a shit about nothing. Dum de dum, let me go into this haunted hotel room, ROOM 1408. It's not so scary WAIT HOLY SHIT IT IS SCARY AS FUCK I AM GOING INSANE!!! Is this supernatural? Have I been poisoned? Perhaps. Oh, I am sad because I am being forced to confront my demons. Phew, it was all a dream NO IT WASN'T I'M STILL TRAPPED IN THIS ROOM!!! For some reason I must now light this room on fire. BOO! I am now dead and I am in Samuel Jackson's rear view mirror as a charred corpse version of myself. The End.

I saw an advertisement for a movie with Bernie Mac and Samuel L. Jackson in it. It looks terrible. I think it's called "BAMFs" or something.

Bernie Mac, thou hast left our sweet Earth with far too few years having weathered your Awefull Face. How are we to continue on knowing the supreme genius that ye could have transferred unto our spirits - a BRILLIANCE that is only hinted at by such Works of Arte as "Mr. 3000" and "BAMFs". May the boatsman along the River Euphrates guide your vessel to a Courageous and Erotic haven suitable for a man of your Goodness.

"I swear to God"

2008-10-24T09:56:00.000-07:00

Ryan exclaimed, his eyes spilling over with sincerity, "He went out to that cabin in the woods, and those three old ladies -they call them the witch doctors- they cured his fuckin' cancer."

Mitch took a semi-skeptical bite from one of his chicken fingers, "What did they do?"

"I don't know, nobody fuckin' knows. The people that come back from seeing them three witch doctors, they don't say nothin', except, 'I was cured', then they clam up."

"Where is this place?" Kevin interjected, "I should go there and steal their shit."

"Fucked if I know where it is. Out in the fuckin' bush somewhere outside Thunder Bay. You guys can ask Bill yourself next time you see him. Doctor gave him a year to live, he went out to these three old witch doctors, came back and not a fuckin' trace of cancer. The doctor said, 'I can't fuckin' believe it. I have no fuckin' way to explain this.'"

The millwrights looked around the table at each other. Other than Mitch (who only felt a mild revulsion at the notion), there was a complete lack of scorn in their countenances. They trusted each other with a blindness that only comes from spending endless working hours together. There was no reason for Ryan to lie.

Donnie was the oldest of the bunch at around 55. He had a childlike demeanour that belied his grey hair, thick glasses, large waistline and hearing aid. Certainly his way of speaking in a sort mumbly lisp-whisper contributed to others' perception of him as childlike, "It's like this story I heard about a guy named Jim Callahan. This guy goes out into the desert, right? And he gets bit by a scorpion. His foot swells up to twice it's size and the doctors say they're going to have to amputate. Then, this African voodoo man comes and wraps his foot in clay or a poultice or something and the next day, his foot is all better. The doctor can't figure it out."

Even Mitch starts to nod in agreement. Two stories of supernatural healing must mean that there's something at work here beyond our comprehension. They all take a moment to contemplate the implications. Ryan is the first to break the silence.

"My sister in law made me go to this convention the other day about this special chocolate. Fuckin' conference was boring as hell. Sat there for two fuckin' hours listening to people talk about special chocolate. Supposedly there are different kinds that can cure leukemia and obesity and all kinds of different things. Some lady that spoke said she lost 95 pounds on this shit!"

"Did you try it?" Kevin asked.

"Fuck no, the stuff costs like $120 a box."

"You were there for two hours and they didn't let you try it?"

"Well yeah, I sampled it, but I didn't buy any."

"How did it taste?"

"Tastes like fuckin' ass but they say it can cure leukemia and shit. Apparently the way it works is you buy it from them and then you recruit other people to sell it and you get a share of their profits or something. It's like a ladder."

"Sounds like Amway."

"No, it's a fuckin' ladder..."

Back to work tomorrow

2008-10-21T12:35:00.000-07:00

It's back to work for me tomorrow. This last two weeks just flew by. I'm going to try and lift my spirits by watching "Son of Rambow". Hopefully I'll have time for one more jam with the boys tonight.

All last night

2008-10-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

I was throwing up.

We went for pizza at Greco's last night in North Bay and it was good, but I felt terrible immediately afterward. Maybe it was from eating nothing but wine gums and cheese curds all day prior to that.

So, I threw up three times last night. I think I just caught what Carter had, but now I feel weak and scared to eat more food.

I barfed until I cried.