family and safety

Here at the mine, we have a safety slogan that pops up in our morning meetings on the first page of the powerpoint presentation. When I first started here, it was "Take the time to ensure your workplace is safe enough for you family," which is supposed to be an effective way of making people re-think how safe their daily duties are.

As safety slogans go, it's pretty good. It's straightforward and thought-provoking. I mean, if you wouldn't want your child performing a task, then would you want your co-wokers doing it?

The problem is, is that for some reason the management here has a policy of changing the slogan every month to different permutations on the same theme. They've even made it a sort of weird competition on the mine site to come up with the best slogan using both the themes of "safety" and "family".

Apart from being completely ridiculous as a policy, this has ended up creating some slogans that don't even make sense, since most of them are written by people with, let's face it, a less than Tarded grasp of the English language. Mostly though, what was previously a nice simple concept has just been garbled over and over again until it's like watching scrambled cable porn or some sort of monstrous pairing of two disparate concepts, fused into a beastly behemoth that just lumbers around yelling, "SAFE FAMILY!"

The worst one was, "Is your family safe?" If you hadn't ever seen the original slogan, this would make very little sense. Even though I know what the original was, it makes very little sense to me. This sounds more like a threat by evil Nicholas Cage in Face/Off. It almost seems like management know something I don't...maybe I should call my family. Does management have them dangling over a volcano or something?

This month's is, "Safe Work is an insurance package you and your family cannot live without!" Please, tell me more about your innovative Safe Work insurace packages. Will my premiums go up in case of a Safe Work fender bender? What if I suffer a Safe Work heart attack? Oh, it's an imaginary insurance package...will my benefits triple in case of an elven curse?

Inspired, I came up with a few salty jams on the safety/family riff:

"Practice safe sex or you may accidentally start a family."

"I'm MC safety and I'm here to say/
watch out for your family each and every day."

"Since you have to be away from your family for two weeks at a time, consider your co-workers your family because you see them more than you see your actual family. Keep both of your families safe because they are precious living things, but especially your work family because I know them by name."