On Saturday evening, after having put on one of our most well-attended shows in a while for Minto (thanks in large part to the hardworking kids in Shop Naked), I decided I was going to download Synecdoche, New York, Charlie Kaufman's latest brain twister.
Then, I watched it as soon as I woke up on Sunday and was thrust into an existential paralysis. I didn't get out of bed until three in the afternoon.
The main character, played by Philip Seymour Hoffman, devotes the most of his life to creating a REAL WORK OF ART, and as it grows and becomes more bloated, he ages, neglects the people around him, and becomes more miserable.
In an effort to become immortal through his art, he ends up living a sad, desolate life, and dies broken and pathetic.
I couldn't help but think of the last few years that I've spent pursuing music. I've missed out on countless opportunities to connect with people on a deeper level, I've neglected relationships with my family and friends, and most recently I've dropped out of school. I have missed a lot in the last few years, and I stand to miss a lot more.
Even just writing about it now makes me feel somewhat despondent.
Does the simple act of writing about it help to perpetuate the cycle of selfishness that might lead me to alienate everyone around me?
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At the same time, people feel some kind of connection with you through your art. You've got 20-somethings, 30-somethings, 40-somethings and teenagers (who rumour has it are very passionate about what they like) willing to disregard the $5 dollars that you request of them to enjoy a spectacle you put on. There's a sense of community surrounding your efforts, which is incredibly important in any day and age. People are making connections, finding so much in common with one another and part of their experience in doing so is having a common place and passion for art created by yourself and other members of this community.
ReplyDeleteLife is the opportunities you take soured by the opportunities you missed. I've shared the feeling myself that by putting my chosen lifestyle, both occupational and artistic, ahead of some relationships and I know I've paid for it. Still, I soldier on and so should you. I'm not saying we're one in the same but what I am saying is that as someone who has felt the chilling realization that there were chances for connections I've outright ignored, opportunities will arise again and people will still love you even if things fall apart.